Friday, August 31, 2007

Almost full- term

Well, she's not an August baby :-) Unless she decides to come tonight, which would actually not be good. I didn't get a pelvic exam at my last visit because at 36 weeks you are still, technically, considered pre-term. She said after 37 weeks she starts checking for dilation and all that fun stuff because at that point, you're full- term. So next Friday morning is my next appointment and by that time we'll be close to 38 weeks. (For those of you who don't know- there are 40 weeks in a full- term pregnancy).

I am still extremely irritated by people's rude comments, but I'm trying to remind myself everyday that sooner than later, I'll be back to my normal size and nobody will even know that I was ever pregnant. People will start talking to me and treating me like a normal human being again. Some times I think being normal will be a good thing, but then I also wonder if it isn't going to take a little adjusting since some people are actually a lot nicer to pregnant women than other people. Either way, I'll be so thrilled to put on some jeans that have buttons and belt loops. Not to mention the weather's going to be getting cooler so I can wear cute jackets and hats. Today I looked in the mirror and I just felt really tired of seeing this huge tummy.

Braxton Hicks (false contractions) have become a bit of an irritation for me. I usually get them if I'm on my feet for more than an hour at a time. I took a shower and did my hair and as I was finishing up by putting my make- up on I was bending over in pain because they were getting intense. As soon as I sit down and take a deep breath, they go away. This makes work a little difficult as I'm obviously on my feet for hours at a time. My managers and co- workers are really great about letting me sit as much as I want though.

All in all, we are ready for baby Curry. I need to change the sheets on her crib before she sleeps in it and I should probably wash the car seat since it was used, but these are things that don't worry me. At least we have a car seat and a crib (among other really nice things). My hospital bag is almost all packed, but there are still a few small things I need to toss in there. Thanks for the tips, Katie!

Cody seems to think that Cambria is already a daddy's girl because every night when we lay down to go to sleep if he puts his hand on my belly, she dances around maniacally. He says it's all a part of a master plan to use our children to drive me insane ("let's jump on mommy!"). As I'm groaning because she's kicking me in the ribs, he's chuckling and encouraging her. I laugh at the two of them. I can let him think he has some power now because we all know who makes the rules in the end (mwahaha). She really does do some pretty elaborate moves at night, it's so fascinating. I still cannot wrap my mind around the fact that the same little feet that are kicking me in there are going to be the same little feet that will be kicking me out here. It's almost like I think, sometimes, that you go through pregnancy, go to the hospital, push a little, and they give you a baby. But the most amazing part is... they don't give you a baby... they just hand you this little creature that you've been carrying for nine months! She already has hair (if she has any), fingernails, eyelashes, and she's already got a personality! She's already who she is and I haven't even met her yet.

At church on Sunday Harry preached about how God knew Jeremiah in the womb and He called Jeremiah to be a prophet despite knowing all of the his flaws even before he entered the world! God knew every move Jeremiah would ever make before Jeremiah ever even knew himself. It's amazing when you think about it that God knew you so well before you were born, but it's even more amazing to think, as a mother, that God already knows your little baby before she even makes an appearance. I'm glad He's watching over her while I feel like I can't.

I've been eager to meet Cambria, but I try to remind myself that she really needs this last month to completely develop her lungs and her heart. I wouldn't want her to rush on my behalf :-) We love her so much already we just get a little selfish sometimes and want her to come out and play.

Either way, my money's on her having an October birthday. We'll see.


Tuesday, August 28, 2007

4 weeks to go

Things are going as they should be. Sleeping is getting increasingly difficult, but I manage anyway :-) My belly sits in my lap now and it's a very strange feeling. Poor Kemah has less and less space on my legs for cuddles. She's been very needy lately, though, so she gets as close to me as she can. I think she can sense that a change is coming.

Cody and I are getting so eager to meet Cambria, we talk about her all the time. We talk about what color her hair will be (if she has hair!), when she'll start eating soggy french fries, what her first word will be, and even the kind of boys she's going to like when she's a teenager! We've both decided that we will probably never sleep peacefully again for the rest of our lives. When she's a baby, we'll be worried about how she's laying or if she needs anything. Then when she's a toddler we'll be worried about her sleeping in her own room in her own bed and if she's doing all right. Then she'll be a teenager and we'll be lying awake worried sick about who she's with, what she's doing, and if she'll want anything to do with us. Then even when she's an adult, she won't be in our house anymore and we'll be constantly wondering if she's doing OK.

Cody said that watching her grow up is going to be like watching life in fast- forward. He said it will be like watching that bar on TV when you're fast- forwarding and you can see it going really fast and you can't even digest what's happening. Then I pointed out that having another kid someday will be like having two TV's on at the same time trying to watch both of them intently. She's not even here yet and we're already sad about how fast she's going to grow up! I reassured him, though, that we will love every minute of watching her grow up and we'll look forward to every little development she goes through. We're just so anxious to get this started!

I've been packing my bag(s) for the hospital. If there's anything that I should know about taking, let me know! I've got the basics: my clothes and underwear, a change of clothes for Cody, flip flops for the shower, Cambria's things, slippers, etc. They're going to think I'm moving in when I show up. I just want to be prepared. Not to mention packing my bag makes me feel like I'm satisfying an urge or a craving, so it's getting pretty full. Every time I toss something into the bag, I feel less stressed and more prepared.

Cody is going to be the best daddy in the world and I know this because he has been the best husband I could ever ask for. I genuinely feel like there is nothing he wouldn't do for me... even before I got pregnant. He likes to look at little baby clothes and he even gave me a pedicure since I couldn't reach my feet! What a guy!

Our next appointment is this thursday. I'll let you know if there's any dilating or anything going on. I'm sure there won't be, but I'll let you know anyway :-)


Friday, August 24, 2007

GBS Test

My last entry was a bit dramatic, so hopefully I can give you a breath of fresh air and tell you that I'm doing better. I had just worked three days in a row and it wasn't fun and it took its toll on me. My mom pointed out, however, that it won't be long until I'll be on maternity leave and I'll be spending every minute of everyday with my little girl for quite a few weeks. I actually haven't been working very much at all, but working in customer service can some times make it seem like you're never going to escape people.

This morning we had a doctor's appointment at 8:15 AM. They told us that we'd be in and out very quickly, but it really wasn't as quick as I had been hoping for. I was being tested for GBS (Group B Strep), which is a standard screening. First, they took my weight (ugh). I stepped on the scale and she switched the lever over to the 100 dash. She moved the smaller lever all the way to the end and it didn't level out. My eyes went huge when I saw her move it from 100 to 150. My current weight is 151! I have weighed about 125 since high school and it was very shocking to see that number.

After taking my weight and getting ready for my pelvic exam, a student doctor came in to take Cambria's heart rate. From the moment she walked in the door I could tell she was extremely nervous. She explained that she was a student and she'd be taking the heart rate and she asked me a few standard questions about contractions, discharge, and fetal movements. She took the measuring tape out to take a measurement of my stomach and she struggled with finding the top of my uterus by my ribs. I could tell the longer it took her to find the top of the uterus, the more nervous she got. I wanted to reassure her, but I didn't want to make her feel small. She saw the scar on my bellybutton from my navel ring and she asked what it was from. I explained and told her that I hated it and chuckled and she said, "Well. . . we all have. . . things. . . we don't. . . like." She gave this expression as if to say "Why did I say that? Ugh!" Finally, she went to take the heart rate. She searched and searched for the heartbeat and she couldn't find it. She apologized saying "I'm a student... I'm sorry." I felt so bad for her! She finally said, "I think it's 130" and the doctor had to come in and verify it. I wanted to tell the student not to beat herself up, but I just took the silent polite approach instead.

Anyway, the GBS screening had a little painful surprise at the end that I was not prepared for. I won't go into details, but when you have your feet in stirrups and there's a doctor down there with two very long q- tips, she's probably not going to use just one of those q- tips. Oh man, oh man. I survived.

Thanks for all the support, everyone, and for all the prayers and love. Getting prepared for Cambria would not have been possible without all your encouragement and, of course, your gifts. We are forever grateful for every thing you've all done.


Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Woe is me

I am truly exhausted and I feel completely hopeless and helpless. I really can't do this anymore. I still have five weeks left and I feel like everyday I'm just waiting to see if she's coming. I have a feeling that she's going to come late and just feeling that way makes me want to cry. I don't want to be like this anymore. I've gotten to the point where I think I don't ever want to have another baby again. I've tried to stay positive, but it's too overwhelming now.

I am sleep deprived and emotional. I am sweaty and irritable. I am hungry all the time and I cannot find comfort. I try to laugh it all off and tell everyone that I'm just waiting, but I don't want to laugh anymore, I want to cry. I find myself getting angry at Cambria and then I get angry at myself for feeling that way. She kicks me so hard in the ribs some times that I honestly wonder if she's going to crack them and it takes my breath away. If I try to lie down for some rest, she moves so much that I just want to scream at her.

It may seem funny to everyone else that I am incapable of doing the easiest of tasks, but the frustration has gotten the best of me. If I drop something on the floor, I have to stand there and look at it until I either get up enough strength and air in my lungs to bend over and pick it up or until someone comes along who can pick it up for me. I don't like depending on everyone for everything. I don't like being this big anymore. Even my maternity clothes don't fit me anymore.

My bladder is a constant source of irritation and pain. It seems like I live in the bathroom anymore and if I'm not in the bathroom my bladder is aching because she's on it and I wish I could pee. Sleeping is impossible anymore because I have to pee so often. I get up to use the restroom and after I empty my bladder, I lie back down and Cambria is more active than ever.

OK. This blog was way longer than this, but then blogger had a malfunction and deleted more than half of it. So that's all you get. Thanks, blogger!


Monday, August 20, 2007

I can't take it anymore...

I am getting quite uncomfortable now. I also feel like my hormones are out of whack because I feel like I might cry at any given moment. Last night I found myself watching other people's videos of their births on youtube, I'm getting so anxious. While I was watching one particular video, I felt like I was going to cry even though it was such a beautiful little video. I'm sure none of you care to watch it, but here it is and don't worry, you don't see anything gross. But you'll see that it isn't sad, it's just sweet.

Anyway, I'm ready to be done with this pregnancy. I joke around a lot and say "I don't want to do this anymore", but I really mean it. I wake up and remember that I'm still pregnant and I don't want to get out of bed. I get in the shower and try to shave my legs and have such a difficult time reaching all the way to my ankles that I just want to throw the razor and quit. I get out of the shower to get dressed only to find that my clothes don't fit anymore and I look in the full- length mirror and I can see my stomach hanging out the bottom of my shirt. I change my clothes over and over and I get so frustrated with every thing that I just want to cry and tell everyone to leave me alone. It's not cute anymore, not fun, and not comfortable. The things that I took for granted before are impossible now. When I'm putting on a pair of pants, I have to hold them with my left hand and bend to the left and put one leg in then the other. I can't just pull my pants up with both hands on either side of the pants. You might think that that's not a big deal, but trust me, it is.

Cambria is still very active and I don't enjoy that anymore. I find it painful some times and it even takes my breath away when she kicks me in the ribs. If I stand for too long my ankles get swollen and my feet hurt. If I sit for too long, I can't breathe and I feel pinching pains in my ribs. I have to pee constantly, I'm exhausted all the time, and through it all, I'm still working. I get very irritated with customers asking questions about my due date even though I know they have good intentions.

I know Cambria will be worth it all, I'm just having a hissy- fit today. I'm done.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Positions, breastfeeding, and dreams!

Cambria is no longer low and she no longer stays in one spot. In fact, she lives in my ribs now and she rolls all over the place. However, I get the feeling that she's not going all over the place by choice. I'm very small and she's getting very big and she doesn't have anywhere to go! Today as I was sitting in a breastfeeding "class", my stomach was moving around so much I was sure the other girls could see it. I really can't stand to sit for very long because I get a pinched feeling in my ribs and it gets pretty unbearable. She tries to stay on my left side, but I still feel her over on the right.

Every night now I lay down and groan "Cody, tell your daughter to stop being mean to me." He tries to tell her, but she doesn't listen. The skin on my stomach feels so tight that I wonder some times if it isn't going to just rip open and expose the little creature inside.

If she is on my left side (in my ribs) I some times push on her and I feel a sharp pain on my right side and then she pushes back into my left side. She is a very strong little girl and she is very stubborn when she gets comfortable. Her movements aren't so much kicking anymore as they are pushing and rolling. I would like to know what she's doing in there some times!

As August is national breastfeeding month, I want to make it known that I am going to try my absolute best to breastfeed. If my milk doesn't come in right away, I'm not going to use that as an excuse to bottle feed. As long as I am on maternity leave, I will be exclusively breastfeeding. My mom has tried to convince me that it can be very painful some times, but all of the lactation specialists I have talked to say that the only time it hurts is if the baby is latched on wrong and that can be easily fixed. Once Cambria and I learn how to breastfeed well, Cody can bond with her through the occasional bottle feeding. It seems like every one has doubts that I will stick with breastfeeding, but I really am determined.

A few nights ago I had a very silly dream about Cambria. I dreamt that it was the day we were bringing her home from the hospital and I had put her down in her crib. She was wide awake and I was talking to her and smiling. I was sticking my tongue out at her and she was mocking me and I was so shocked that she was already responding so clearly. I laughed and tried to put socks on her feet. Immediately, she kicked the socks off and I put them on. Over and over I put the socks back on her feet. Finally, a frustrated Cambria shook her head slowly and said, "Nooo!" I gasped and couldn't believe that she was already so smart! I turned away for a moment and when I turned back to look at her, she was crawling and had crawled to the top of a huge pile of toys. I was laughing because I was so thrilled at how "smart" she was, but I was a little sad that she was growing up so fast. She was so real in that dream- I could draw her face now it was so vivid. I dream about her so often that I almost look forward to sleeping just so I get to be with her again! Unfortunately, in my dreams, she is bald. I really want her to have hair!

There was a customer at work the other day who asked if I was having a girl or a boy. When I told her it was a girl she looked at me, appalled, and said, "No, it's a boy. I'm never wrong. You better be careful... that is NOT a girl in there." Ahhhh. My intuition says it's a girl and so does the ultrasound. But hey, every one's an expert except for me, right? Especially when it comes to my baby.

I think it's time for hubbin cuddles.


Tuesday, August 14, 2007


I am not fat. I am not huge. I am not "about to pop". I am not gigantic. I did not swallow a watermelon. I did not swallow a basketball. I am not gaining weight. It's true that Cambria is getting bigger and has gained the necessary weight needed for survival. I am not "getting fat" nor do I look fat. The only weight I have gained is in my belly area. My face hasn't gotten bigger, my legs haven't changed, and I'm NOT FAT. Never use the following words when talking to a pregnant woman: huge, gigantic, fat, overweight. Don't tell her she's going to "pop any day now." Don't tell her she looks like she's due any day. Don't tell her she needs to lay off the potato chips. Even if you're joking... it is NOT funny. It takes a lot of work for a pregnant woman to convince herself that she looks all right some days and when people feel the need to comment on her size/weight gain, it only makes it more difficult. Pregnant women are experiencing an overload of hormones and emotions- we don't need help feeling like we're going to cry. You. Are not. Funny. In fact, you're quite a jerk for saying such things. These are phrases I hear daily:
"You're getting so huge!"
"Look how big you are!"
"Look at that belly!"
"You look like you swallowed a basketball!"
"Stop eating so much watermelon!"
"What have you been eating!?"
"You're just getting bigger every day!"
"Your belly's so huge!"
"You're about to pop!"
Now. Why is it OK to say these things to a woman who is pregnant? It is never OK to say that to a woman who isn't pregnant. Why do strangers feel the need to comment on such things? I know that I am not huge and I know people are joking, but why do they think it's funny? It's bad enough that I have to go through my dresser and try every thing on before I find something that completely covers my stomach. Then I find something and convince myself that it doesn't look too horrible and I go to work. While I'm at work, then, every other customer comments on how huge I am or how tight my shirt is over my stomach. They know that even if it upsets me, I have to be nice.

Even my family is guilty of saying such things. They giggle and make remarks about how big I'm getting. They say things about how much bigger I've gotten in just a week or two. That's the idea! I have to gain weight!

Every one wants to take my picture and I'm tired of it. I'm not a freak show. They ask to take my picture then they say "Nooo, turn to the side!" Doesn't it ever occur to people that I might not want my picture taken? I feel like a freak walking down the street. People stare, whisper, giggle, and even approach me to ask questions. I don't mind when people ask about my due date or if it's a girl/boy or how my pregnancy has gone. I just don't like it when people a) make comments about my size/weight b) tell me their pregnancy horror stories or c) diminish my worries by saying "Oh, it's not that bad." I am no longer a person, I'm just a carrier for a baby. All I am to people is someone to ooh and ahh over. I don't even mind it when people say "Cambria's getting so big!" I'm just tired of all the things people say without thinking.

People think they're funny and they think I can laugh it off. Two months ago, I didn't have a problem pretending to giggle with people. Now, however, it's very old. I'm going to start telling people to please stop saying things about my weight. I don't need to be considerate of their feelings as they are clearly not considerate of mine.


Saturday, August 4, 2007

My Womb- Mate is driving me crazy!

Well Cambria has become more and more active. For the most part she has been staying on my left side, kind of low. However, the last couple days (especially last night) she has been exploring my ribs! I was watching TV with Veronica last night and Cambria was so far into my ribs that I had to sit with perfect posture because slouching only forced her into them more. She stayed in my ribs for a long time last night and it was the strangest feeling to not have her on my left side.

When we finally laid down to go to bed, Cambria was moving so much I couldn't get comfortable or fall asleep for awhile. I tried singing to her and that didn't do anything. I poked at her and jiggled her and I finally fell asleep despite her rolling around. Even now she's moving around so much that I feel like she's going to bust out.

Lately I'm becoming more and more eager to no longer live with my parents. I really would love to get out of here and start my own life. We have a garage full of wedding gifts and two rooms full of baby equipment and it's all piling up and getting very cluttered. I'm sure everyone here would say that Cody and I have plenty of privacy, but I assure you that it doesn't feel that way. Especially since my sister and her daughter, Veronica, have been staying with us this summer. Veronica continually manages to make her way downstairs and ask to see all of our baby things. Most days I don't mind showing her things because I know she is excited, but other days when I'm tired and I just want to be with Cody, I get a little irritated. We don't have the luxury of being newlyweds as we are preparing to be parents and we are doing that surrounded by other people all the time. It is an extremely rare occasion when Cody and I get more than an hour or two to ourselves. I really want to get out of here and find our own place. As soon as I have Cambria and I am feeling up to the task, I'm going to find a better job somewhere- anywhere. I refuse to live on minimum wage. I want my children to have more than I did.

My boss had her baby boy a few days ago. He was born by c- section at 12:01 in the morning and he was born 9 lbs. 7 oz.! For those of you who don't know- that's a big baby!! His name is Blake and he was born jaundice, so they had to stay a little longer in the hospital to make sure he's getting all the nutrition he needs. I'm jealous that Jamie gets to meet her baby... I want to meet mine!

Now Cambria is in my ribs and it is uncomfortable to sit here, so I'm going to go walk Kemah and find other things to do.