Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Saturday, October 27, 2007
The difficulties continue...
The pain of thrush came back full force yesterday and I wasn't expecting that. I've been taking my medicine as directed. It's really difficult to give a baby medicine four times a day though. I'm trying to keep everything sanitized and sterilized, but that takes a lot of time and effort. When I look in her mouth for the thrush I don't see anything, but I know from the pain that I still have it, so I'm sure she does, too.
I've given her quite a few bottles and every time I feel guilty. She actually doesn't seem to like it very much and we do better with breastfeeding. Also, if she's really fussy, I can't give her a pacifier, but she'll gladly take a finger. I'm sure sticking my finger in a yeast infected mouth isn't the greatest idea, but when it's 4 or 5 AM and I haven't slept in a long time, I'll do anything to get a nap.
For the most part though, she likes pacifiers and they are a tremendous help. The only problem is that she can't keep it in her mouth on her own. So if the pacifier is in her mouth, someone has to sit there and hold it until she calms down or falls asleep. Last night... all night... I was sleeping in the same position with my hand on the pacifier. Needless to say, this makes it difficult to get good sleep. Anytime I'm in my bed, though, and not the couch, I'm happy!
She's been cooing and smiling a lot more lately and diaper changes are much less of a catastrophe. I think she might be getting a diaper rash (the thrush can cause that), but I'm hoping not.
Yesterday Cambria had a doctor's appointment with the pediatric cardiologist. They did an EKG and they took an ultrasound of her heart. I was so shocked that she did so well. She laid there, cooing and looking around without crying for a long time. The ultrasound was pushing it, though and we had to give her the pacifier and she was fine. The doctor reviewed the ultrasound and came in and explained things to us. He calmly said, "Cambria has a hole in her heart" and I felt all the blood drain into my feet. Quickly he went on to explain that the hole should repair itself and it should not affect her development at all. He wants to see her back in four months to be sure that the hole is closing and if it isn't, he said they can easily repair it (without surgery) when she is 4 or 5 years old. He assured us that she looks healthy and sent us on our way.
So today my goal is to exclusively breastfeed with no more bottles for the day. I also plan to pump some so I can avoid using formula. Maybe I shouldn't set such goals for myself as it only sets me up for disappointment, but what else am I supposed to do all day? She's been fussing at the breast and that makes me nervous that I've given her too many bottles and pacifiers, so we've got to get back on track.
I did call the lactation people at Akron and they asked my name and where I delivered, but still answered my questions. I just asked if there was anything I should know about thrush and they were really informative. If she continues to fuss while I'm trying to breastfeed I'm going to call them again and ask them what the problem might be.
As I've said before, I don't think it was love at first sight with Cambria because after 27 hours of labor I was just relieved to have her out of there! But last night as I was watching her snooze in my arms I realized I was more in love with her now than ever before. I knew then that everyday I'm going to love her more and more. It also helps that she's seeming to form a bit of a personality! I love her smiles and her coos and I even love her little pouty face some times.
My brother's wife, Lydia, is basically due any day now. Soon Cambria will have a little cousin to stare at and cry with!
-Alicia
PS- No, we're not living in Canton- we're in Wayne which is about 45 minutes from Canton.
I've given her quite a few bottles and every time I feel guilty. She actually doesn't seem to like it very much and we do better with breastfeeding. Also, if she's really fussy, I can't give her a pacifier, but she'll gladly take a finger. I'm sure sticking my finger in a yeast infected mouth isn't the greatest idea, but when it's 4 or 5 AM and I haven't slept in a long time, I'll do anything to get a nap.
For the most part though, she likes pacifiers and they are a tremendous help. The only problem is that she can't keep it in her mouth on her own. So if the pacifier is in her mouth, someone has to sit there and hold it until she calms down or falls asleep. Last night... all night... I was sleeping in the same position with my hand on the pacifier. Needless to say, this makes it difficult to get good sleep. Anytime I'm in my bed, though, and not the couch, I'm happy!
She's been cooing and smiling a lot more lately and diaper changes are much less of a catastrophe. I think she might be getting a diaper rash (the thrush can cause that), but I'm hoping not.
Yesterday Cambria had a doctor's appointment with the pediatric cardiologist. They did an EKG and they took an ultrasound of her heart. I was so shocked that she did so well. She laid there, cooing and looking around without crying for a long time. The ultrasound was pushing it, though and we had to give her the pacifier and she was fine. The doctor reviewed the ultrasound and came in and explained things to us. He calmly said, "Cambria has a hole in her heart" and I felt all the blood drain into my feet. Quickly he went on to explain that the hole should repair itself and it should not affect her development at all. He wants to see her back in four months to be sure that the hole is closing and if it isn't, he said they can easily repair it (without surgery) when she is 4 or 5 years old. He assured us that she looks healthy and sent us on our way.
So today my goal is to exclusively breastfeed with no more bottles for the day. I also plan to pump some so I can avoid using formula. Maybe I shouldn't set such goals for myself as it only sets me up for disappointment, but what else am I supposed to do all day? She's been fussing at the breast and that makes me nervous that I've given her too many bottles and pacifiers, so we've got to get back on track.
I did call the lactation people at Akron and they asked my name and where I delivered, but still answered my questions. I just asked if there was anything I should know about thrush and they were really informative. If she continues to fuss while I'm trying to breastfeed I'm going to call them again and ask them what the problem might be.
As I've said before, I don't think it was love at first sight with Cambria because after 27 hours of labor I was just relieved to have her out of there! But last night as I was watching her snooze in my arms I realized I was more in love with her now than ever before. I knew then that everyday I'm going to love her more and more. It also helps that she's seeming to form a bit of a personality! I love her smiles and her coos and I even love her little pouty face some times.
My brother's wife, Lydia, is basically due any day now. Soon Cambria will have a little cousin to stare at and cry with!
-Alicia
PS- No, we're not living in Canton- we're in Wayne which is about 45 minutes from Canton.
Friday, October 26, 2007
Update
After the first bottle, she slept for quite awhile and I finally woke her and tried to give her the breast. To my surprise the pain was less and she ate just fine. I breastfed her again once after that and then gave her a bottle. I would say that, with our medicines, by tomorrow night we should be back to breastfeeding as often as time permits. I do think, however, that I'm going to supplement the occassional bottle if I need to be out of the house or something.
The pacifier worked like a charm and we are using it again tonight to see if we can get some sleep. Tomorrow morning we have to be up early for a doctor's appointment and any amount of sleep would be helpful.
As long as breastfeeding continues to get better (instead of worse) I will continue feeding on demand and only using a bottle (with breastmilk, not formula) when I absolutely have to.
The pacifier worked like a charm and we are using it again tonight to see if we can get some sleep. Tomorrow morning we have to be up early for a doctor's appointment and any amount of sleep would be helpful.
As long as breastfeeding continues to get better (instead of worse) I will continue feeding on demand and only using a bottle (with breastmilk, not formula) when I absolutely have to.
Thursday, October 25, 2007
I Caved
Yes, I am a big failure. I not only gave her a bottle today, but it was formula. I also went against my better judgement and gave her a pacifier today. The pain was just too much. The thrush makes it feel like someone is putting flaming needles into my nipples and putting charlie horses in my breasts all at the same time. So we gave her some formula and she gulped it down. I felt guilty but relieved to have a break from the pain.
After she was done eating she was clearly tired, but she was fighting it. I threw all the pacifiers into a pot and boiled them while I bounced her around and sang to her. After dropping a freshly boiled pacifier on the floor, I put a clean one in her mouth and she almost instantly fell asleep. I didn't feel so guilty about the pacifier, but I do feel nervous that it will affect breastfeeding.
Today we started our treatments for thrush and it shouldn't be long until it isn't painful anymore. I did try calling the Akron General lactation people, but I got the answering machine and chose not to leave a message fifteen minutes before they close. I wanted to ask them if there's anything I can do to ease my pain until the thrush is gone. I don't feel like a six- month commitment is very admirable (but thanks!) and all those moms who do it for the whole year... those women are admirable.
I'm going to try to not beat myself up too much for giving her a bottle. The next time she's hungry I'll maybe try breastfeeding again. I already feel guilty about enough things as it is. For example, I don't know why we bothered buying a crib... she sleeps with me every night. Ahhhh, I'm such a bad mommy!
-Alicia
After she was done eating she was clearly tired, but she was fighting it. I threw all the pacifiers into a pot and boiled them while I bounced her around and sang to her. After dropping a freshly boiled pacifier on the floor, I put a clean one in her mouth and she almost instantly fell asleep. I didn't feel so guilty about the pacifier, but I do feel nervous that it will affect breastfeeding.
Today we started our treatments for thrush and it shouldn't be long until it isn't painful anymore. I did try calling the Akron General lactation people, but I got the answering machine and chose not to leave a message fifteen minutes before they close. I wanted to ask them if there's anything I can do to ease my pain until the thrush is gone. I don't feel like a six- month commitment is very admirable (but thanks!) and all those moms who do it for the whole year... those women are admirable.
I'm going to try to not beat myself up too much for giving her a bottle. The next time she's hungry I'll maybe try breastfeeding again. I already feel guilty about enough things as it is. For example, I don't know why we bothered buying a crib... she sleeps with me every night. Ahhhh, I'm such a bad mommy!
-Alicia
Monday, October 22, 2007
Breastfeeding
Trena, sorry I didn't reply to your message sooner. I think I will go to Target and check that thing out because it's very possible that she would love it! Thank you so much for the offer!!
And no, Katie, I never got a picture of her sleeping in the laundry basket haha. I should have! I have a feeling, though, that that wasn't the last time that will happen.
Now. Breastfeeding. Let me tell you a few things about breastfeeding.
Breastfeeding: I hate it. Every time she cries or gets grumpy, I get a sick feeling in my stomach because I know it won't be long until I have to feed her. The pain is unbearable for me right now. When she latches on and begins to eat I hold my breath, tense up, and moan in pain. Some times it hurts so bad I cry, especially if I'm tired. But I'm trying really, really hard. I use the lansinoh and now I have these little relief plastic things that I put in the refrigerator for awhile. Taking a shower is the worst! I can't face the water at all! I hate it so much.
I've tried to find a lactation consultant and apparently the only one in Wayne County has broken her leg and isn't taking any consultations right now. Coincidentally the consultant works for WIC and for my pediatrician, so I have no one to help me!
I explained to the pediatrician that I'm in a lot of pain when she's eating and she checked Cambria for thrush (basically a yeast infection in the mouth) and, of course, she has thrush. This has to be treated but can take up to two weeks to clear up. If one of us is treated and the other one isn't then we will just keep passing it back and forth to each other. So I have to go to my OBGYN tomorrow so she can give me the medication I need and we can begin the healing process. The pediatrician said that once it's healed up then Cambria should be able to latch on better and the pain should lessen. If it doesn't get better in a week then she'll find me a lactation consultant. So my theory is that it's going to get worse before it can get better.
I feel like breastfeeding is ruining my relationship with Cambria. She bites down, she pulls, she sucks very hard, and I feel resentment toward her as if she knows what she's doing. When I can tell that she hasn't latched on very well I get so frustrated. Every time she needs me to feed her I feel angry. I want to enjoy this bonding experience and the closeness, but I can't when it hurts this bad. If I don't feed her, though, I get engorged and that is just as painful as feeding! Engorgement is very painful. If your breasts could run a marathon and feel sore afterward that's what engorgement feels like.
Everyone talks about this "letdown reflex". I don't know what it's supposed to feel like, but I don't think I feel it. I know I'm leaking because my nursing pads are soaked when I take them out. There are times when I feel a shooting pain through them, but I don't know if that's the "letdown" I hear about.
One day when she was eating, she came off the breast with a jump and spewed TONS of milk all over everything. The boppy pillow, my shirt, her onesie, the couch, was all completely soaked. She definitely puked up every thing she had eaten! I have never seen anything like that in my life- it just projectiled out of her mouth and drenched us. Surprisingly, she wasn't bothered by this and, in fact, smiled after it was all out. It looked like someone poured a glass of milk out of her mouth. Or like her mouth was a faucet for milk. It was shocking.
So I hate breastfeeding. Today I was thinking "Oh, she's almost three weeks old, soon there will only be five months left of breastfeeding!" I committed to, during my pregnancy, breastfeeding for six months. After that, we are done with it! Unless it gets ten times better and I start to somehow enjoy it I will not make it past six months. I know if I gave up I would be extremely disappointed in myself so I'm fighting it, but it is so tempting!
Speaking of breastfeeding, she's becoming inconsolable so I probably need to feed her again. I know she's fighting sleep. Ugggggh, I hate breastfeeding. I just want to sleep for more than three hours in a row!
-Alicia
PS. Her umbilical cord fell off a couple days ago! The pediatrician said it's healing nicely. I forgot to ask her if I could give her a normal bath now or if I still needed to avoid the area. There's some dried blood in her belly button, so I don't know. Maybe I'll call tomorrow.
And no, Katie, I never got a picture of her sleeping in the laundry basket haha. I should have! I have a feeling, though, that that wasn't the last time that will happen.
Now. Breastfeeding. Let me tell you a few things about breastfeeding.
Breastfeeding: I hate it. Every time she cries or gets grumpy, I get a sick feeling in my stomach because I know it won't be long until I have to feed her. The pain is unbearable for me right now. When she latches on and begins to eat I hold my breath, tense up, and moan in pain. Some times it hurts so bad I cry, especially if I'm tired. But I'm trying really, really hard. I use the lansinoh and now I have these little relief plastic things that I put in the refrigerator for awhile. Taking a shower is the worst! I can't face the water at all! I hate it so much.
I've tried to find a lactation consultant and apparently the only one in Wayne County has broken her leg and isn't taking any consultations right now. Coincidentally the consultant works for WIC and for my pediatrician, so I have no one to help me!
I explained to the pediatrician that I'm in a lot of pain when she's eating and she checked Cambria for thrush (basically a yeast infection in the mouth) and, of course, she has thrush. This has to be treated but can take up to two weeks to clear up. If one of us is treated and the other one isn't then we will just keep passing it back and forth to each other. So I have to go to my OBGYN tomorrow so she can give me the medication I need and we can begin the healing process. The pediatrician said that once it's healed up then Cambria should be able to latch on better and the pain should lessen. If it doesn't get better in a week then she'll find me a lactation consultant. So my theory is that it's going to get worse before it can get better.
I feel like breastfeeding is ruining my relationship with Cambria. She bites down, she pulls, she sucks very hard, and I feel resentment toward her as if she knows what she's doing. When I can tell that she hasn't latched on very well I get so frustrated. Every time she needs me to feed her I feel angry. I want to enjoy this bonding experience and the closeness, but I can't when it hurts this bad. If I don't feed her, though, I get engorged and that is just as painful as feeding! Engorgement is very painful. If your breasts could run a marathon and feel sore afterward that's what engorgement feels like.
Everyone talks about this "letdown reflex". I don't know what it's supposed to feel like, but I don't think I feel it. I know I'm leaking because my nursing pads are soaked when I take them out. There are times when I feel a shooting pain through them, but I don't know if that's the "letdown" I hear about.
One day when she was eating, she came off the breast with a jump and spewed TONS of milk all over everything. The boppy pillow, my shirt, her onesie, the couch, was all completely soaked. She definitely puked up every thing she had eaten! I have never seen anything like that in my life- it just projectiled out of her mouth and drenched us. Surprisingly, she wasn't bothered by this and, in fact, smiled after it was all out. It looked like someone poured a glass of milk out of her mouth. Or like her mouth was a faucet for milk. It was shocking.
So I hate breastfeeding. Today I was thinking "Oh, she's almost three weeks old, soon there will only be five months left of breastfeeding!" I committed to, during my pregnancy, breastfeeding for six months. After that, we are done with it! Unless it gets ten times better and I start to somehow enjoy it I will not make it past six months. I know if I gave up I would be extremely disappointed in myself so I'm fighting it, but it is so tempting!
Speaking of breastfeeding, she's becoming inconsolable so I probably need to feed her again. I know she's fighting sleep. Ugggggh, I hate breastfeeding. I just want to sleep for more than three hours in a row!
-Alicia
PS. Her umbilical cord fell off a couple days ago! The pediatrician said it's healing nicely. I forgot to ask her if I could give her a normal bath now or if I still needed to avoid the area. There's some dried blood in her belly button, so I don't know. Maybe I'll call tomorrow.
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Doctor's visit
I am extremely sleep deprived. Yesterday I slept for a few hours before Cody got home from work then I was basically up the rest of the night. I haven't slept in quite awhile.
I finally laid Cambria down around 8 AM and she, of course, woke up crying. After I couldn't get her to calm down, I decided to just get up and start my day. I changed her diaper, fed her, and took a shower. I finally found the time to wash her hair and she seemed to enjoy it!
We had our doctor's appointment today because her umbilical cord has been bleeding the past couple days. I switched to a pediatrician instead of taking her to a family doctor. As I said in my last entry, I get a little crazy when it comes to finding a good doctor. Today I was really pleased with our doctor. She asked plenty of questions (I like that) and she was very friendly. She looked at Cambria's umbilical cord and said she probably has a hernia and there isn't anything they can do for it until the cord falls off. Even after it falls off, though, they don't do anything until the child is at least five years old because by that time it usually resolves itself. She said that it shouldn't be causing Cambria any pain, it just looks gross. So she put something on the cord that should make it fall off in 48 hours or less. She said it may continue to ooze a little after it falls off, but it's nothing to be alarmed about.
Dr. Miller (that's her name) asked how breastfeeding was going and I told her it was difficult but it was getting easier. She checked Cambria's weight today and compared it with her birth weight and said she was a little concerned that Cambria wasn't gaining weight as quickly as she should be. She decided to make another appointment for Monday and we'll check her weight again and look at the cord. I was really happy that she made a follow- up appointment for her weight because it was worrying me quite a bit. With breastfeeding you just never know if they're getting enough! I don't want to give Cambria a pacifier until she's back to her birth weight or above it.
I was so happy to find a doctor who seemed genuinely concerned and interested in all the little things about Cambria. She even checked her for thrush even though I didn't even mention it. The doctor's office even had a comment box where you could tell them anonymously what you thought of their work. Needless to say, I was pleased as pie!
Tomorrow we have an appointment with WIC and they will check her weight again. Cambria tends to cry a lot whenever we mess with her clothes or her diaper. She hates being undressed and dressed. However, once she's naked or clothed she's quite content with the change. I just can't stand the sound of her screaming so I tend to dread diaper changes.
Today she slept in a laundry basket because I didn't have anywhere else to put her for a few minutes. She didn't seem to mind! Right now she's sleeping in her car seat again on the kitchen table because we're waiting for Cody to get home and hopefully we can all take a nap.
Kemah is freaking out right now because I let her sniff Cambria for a minute. Kemah will not stop crying and trying to get at Cambria. I'm going to kill that dachshund!
-Alicia
I finally laid Cambria down around 8 AM and she, of course, woke up crying. After I couldn't get her to calm down, I decided to just get up and start my day. I changed her diaper, fed her, and took a shower. I finally found the time to wash her hair and she seemed to enjoy it!
We had our doctor's appointment today because her umbilical cord has been bleeding the past couple days. I switched to a pediatrician instead of taking her to a family doctor. As I said in my last entry, I get a little crazy when it comes to finding a good doctor. Today I was really pleased with our doctor. She asked plenty of questions (I like that) and she was very friendly. She looked at Cambria's umbilical cord and said she probably has a hernia and there isn't anything they can do for it until the cord falls off. Even after it falls off, though, they don't do anything until the child is at least five years old because by that time it usually resolves itself. She said that it shouldn't be causing Cambria any pain, it just looks gross. So she put something on the cord that should make it fall off in 48 hours or less. She said it may continue to ooze a little after it falls off, but it's nothing to be alarmed about.
Dr. Miller (that's her name) asked how breastfeeding was going and I told her it was difficult but it was getting easier. She checked Cambria's weight today and compared it with her birth weight and said she was a little concerned that Cambria wasn't gaining weight as quickly as she should be. She decided to make another appointment for Monday and we'll check her weight again and look at the cord. I was really happy that she made a follow- up appointment for her weight because it was worrying me quite a bit. With breastfeeding you just never know if they're getting enough! I don't want to give Cambria a pacifier until she's back to her birth weight or above it.
I was so happy to find a doctor who seemed genuinely concerned and interested in all the little things about Cambria. She even checked her for thrush even though I didn't even mention it. The doctor's office even had a comment box where you could tell them anonymously what you thought of their work. Needless to say, I was pleased as pie!
Tomorrow we have an appointment with WIC and they will check her weight again. Cambria tends to cry a lot whenever we mess with her clothes or her diaper. She hates being undressed and dressed. However, once she's naked or clothed she's quite content with the change. I just can't stand the sound of her screaming so I tend to dread diaper changes.
Today she slept in a laundry basket because I didn't have anywhere else to put her for a few minutes. She didn't seem to mind! Right now she's sleeping in her car seat again on the kitchen table because we're waiting for Cody to get home and hopefully we can all take a nap.
Kemah is freaking out right now because I let her sniff Cambria for a minute. Kemah will not stop crying and trying to get at Cambria. I'm going to kill that dachshund!
-Alicia
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Factoids
Quick facts about our (almost) two week old baby:
-She loves, loves, loves to suck on her fingers. She will enjoy a pacifier very much when I finally cave in and give her one.
-She eats almost every hour somedays (exhausting).
-We have to wash her hair everyday if we don't want it to look greasy.
-Once she gets started crying, there's no telling when it will ever end.
-She hates having her diaper changed. She screams and kicks and throws a fit everytime!
-(This is probably our fault) she won't sleep in her crib.
-She likes being swaddled.
-She likes the sound of my dad's voice.
-She almost always has to be rocked/bounced/paced to sleep.
-I have a bad cough right now and every time I cough she jumps.
-She smiles a lot!
-They say breastfed babies diapers don't stink, but hers do!
-She sneezes constantly- sometimes up to seven times in a row.
-If she thinks she's about to sneeze and the sneeze doesn't come out, she releases the cutest coo sound anyone has ever heard. Cody's tried to record the sound, but it happens so quickly he always misses it.
-She smiles while she is making a poo- poo and then once she's all done she cries quite a bit.
-We feed her mylicon like it's going out of style because we assume (no way of really knowing) that she gets bad gas almost every time she eats.
-She gets the hiccups, literally, every time she eats.
-The last few nights she has slept for 6 or 7 hours straight through the night. They say you shouldn't let them go that long without eating, but if I'm sleeping and she's sleeping... well, we'll feed on demand at night :-p
-She has a doctor's appointment tomorrow because her umbilical cord is bleeding.
-Breastfeeding gets difficult because she likes to keep her fingers in her mouth while she's eating! I'm not kidding when I say that she loves to suck on her fingers!
-Her ankles and her wrists dry out very easily and we have to put baby lotion on them constantly.
-Some times I'm afraid she's cold and I bundle her up so much that she sweats through her onesie! Keeping her body temperature just right is not easy!
-We think she likes to sleep in her "sleep positioner" because it feels like someone is holding her when really no one is.
-Her face looks like a cat played with her for a little while because she scratches herself all the time. If I put mittens on her, she cries because she can't suck her fingers. If I leave the mittens off, she scratches herself! I can't win!
Facts about being a new mommy:
-I cry when Cody leaves for work because the idea of spending another day in the house changing diapers, breastfeeding, and trying to soothe and inconsolable baby just weighs me down.
-Lansinoh is my best friend. Google it if you don't know.
-I like using the wipe warmer, but I don't think it makes them warm enough.
-I'm healing all right I guess. I still have to take Motrin every six hours, but I'm managing.
-12 days after her birth and I'm already wearing normal jeans again!
-I'm trying to learn how to not get flustered when she's throwing a fit.
-When I watch other people try to calm her down (except for Cody), I go nuts if they're not doing it "right".
-My arms are sore from holding her so much.
-The swelling in my feet is finally gone.
-One of the things I miss the most about my life prior to our bundle of joy is spending time with my husband. We are both always so concerned with caring for her that we hardly even have conversations anymore.
-When it comes to Cambria's medical care, I get a little anal (for lack of a better term). Finding a doctor I'm pleased with may prove to be more difficult than it seems. A couple of receptionists experienced a little attitude from me today.
-I count the hours until Cody will get home.
-I don't particularly like breastfeeding, but I'm doing it for her.
-Motherhood is not, at all, what I was expecting. There are a lot more tears (mine and hers) involved than I ever heard about and it can be very lonely.
-The more I get to know her, the more I love her. Everyday I love her more and more and I imagine that's how it will be for the rest of our lives.
I can never tell how long my entries are going to be because I never know how long she's going to let me sit down. Right now she's sleeping in her carseat on the kitchen table. I don't have a little bouncy chair or anything, so I just put her in her seat some times if I need to be upstairs. The dogs are just to curious to let her sleep on the couch or anything. Well I think she's slowly waking up... so this is a good place to call it quits.
-Alicia
Oh, yeah. My advice to new moms: sleep when the baby sleeps! It's difficult to make yourself lay down and relax, but do it!
As you can tell, I'm not too great about doing that myself!
-She loves, loves, loves to suck on her fingers. She will enjoy a pacifier very much when I finally cave in and give her one.
-She eats almost every hour somedays (exhausting).
-We have to wash her hair everyday if we don't want it to look greasy.
-Once she gets started crying, there's no telling when it will ever end.
-She hates having her diaper changed. She screams and kicks and throws a fit everytime!
-(This is probably our fault) she won't sleep in her crib.
-She likes being swaddled.
-She likes the sound of my dad's voice.
-She almost always has to be rocked/bounced/paced to sleep.
-I have a bad cough right now and every time I cough she jumps.
-She smiles a lot!
-They say breastfed babies diapers don't stink, but hers do!
-She sneezes constantly- sometimes up to seven times in a row.
-If she thinks she's about to sneeze and the sneeze doesn't come out, she releases the cutest coo sound anyone has ever heard. Cody's tried to record the sound, but it happens so quickly he always misses it.
-She smiles while she is making a poo- poo and then once she's all done she cries quite a bit.
-We feed her mylicon like it's going out of style because we assume (no way of really knowing) that she gets bad gas almost every time she eats.
-She gets the hiccups, literally, every time she eats.
-The last few nights she has slept for 6 or 7 hours straight through the night. They say you shouldn't let them go that long without eating, but if I'm sleeping and she's sleeping... well, we'll feed on demand at night :-p
-She has a doctor's appointment tomorrow because her umbilical cord is bleeding.
-Breastfeeding gets difficult because she likes to keep her fingers in her mouth while she's eating! I'm not kidding when I say that she loves to suck on her fingers!
-Her ankles and her wrists dry out very easily and we have to put baby lotion on them constantly.
-Some times I'm afraid she's cold and I bundle her up so much that she sweats through her onesie! Keeping her body temperature just right is not easy!
-We think she likes to sleep in her "sleep positioner" because it feels like someone is holding her when really no one is.
-Her face looks like a cat played with her for a little while because she scratches herself all the time. If I put mittens on her, she cries because she can't suck her fingers. If I leave the mittens off, she scratches herself! I can't win!
Facts about being a new mommy:
-I cry when Cody leaves for work because the idea of spending another day in the house changing diapers, breastfeeding, and trying to soothe and inconsolable baby just weighs me down.
-Lansinoh is my best friend. Google it if you don't know.
-I like using the wipe warmer, but I don't think it makes them warm enough.
-I'm healing all right I guess. I still have to take Motrin every six hours, but I'm managing.
-12 days after her birth and I'm already wearing normal jeans again!
-I'm trying to learn how to not get flustered when she's throwing a fit.
-When I watch other people try to calm her down (except for Cody), I go nuts if they're not doing it "right".
-My arms are sore from holding her so much.
-The swelling in my feet is finally gone.
-One of the things I miss the most about my life prior to our bundle of joy is spending time with my husband. We are both always so concerned with caring for her that we hardly even have conversations anymore.
-When it comes to Cambria's medical care, I get a little anal (for lack of a better term). Finding a doctor I'm pleased with may prove to be more difficult than it seems. A couple of receptionists experienced a little attitude from me today.
-I count the hours until Cody will get home.
-I don't particularly like breastfeeding, but I'm doing it for her.
-Motherhood is not, at all, what I was expecting. There are a lot more tears (mine and hers) involved than I ever heard about and it can be very lonely.
-The more I get to know her, the more I love her. Everyday I love her more and more and I imagine that's how it will be for the rest of our lives.
I can never tell how long my entries are going to be because I never know how long she's going to let me sit down. Right now she's sleeping in her carseat on the kitchen table. I don't have a little bouncy chair or anything, so I just put her in her seat some times if I need to be upstairs. The dogs are just to curious to let her sleep on the couch or anything. Well I think she's slowly waking up... so this is a good place to call it quits.
-Alicia
Oh, yeah. My advice to new moms: sleep when the baby sleeps! It's difficult to make yourself lay down and relax, but do it!
As you can tell, I'm not too great about doing that myself!
Sunday, October 14, 2007
Friday, October 12, 2007
My New Best Friend
Imagine this.
You spend months and months (nearly a year!) anticipating the arrival of a dear friend. You think you know what kind of person this friend is - how they look, smell, feel, and behave. You feel like you already know them as well as a person can know another person and you cannot wait to finally be near them. You prepare yourself to meet them, you spend countless hours taking care of yourself so you can offer them the best opportunity to truly know you and to know the kind of life you wish for them to have.
After all this agonizing anticipation, the friend arrives with a few difficulties. You are finally face-to-face and your heart is full and happy despite any difficulties. Everyone around you can see that you and this friend belong together and everyone is so happy for you. You take the friend home and she opens her mouth to communicate with you and to your surprise she speaks a completely different language than you! At first the language barrier is cute and tolearble. Then that language is used only to express distress and frustration that you don't understand.
The friend is screaming in your face, sobbing, tears falling down her cheeks, wailing, flailing, and sobbing. You try everything to get her to calm down. You feed her, clean her, wipe away her tears, hold her close, and she just won't stop crying and screaming. You ask in plain english what the matter is and the friend simply replies in that same confusing language. Finally, in defeat, you begin to cry with her... and sob... and you even attempt the language even though you know it isn't even close. Not only do you not understand her language, but she doesn't understand yours either.
The moment your friend calms, you feel close to her again, like you understand her better than anyone else. You feel happy, content, and pleased with yourself. You tell her how happy you are and everyone sees this version of your relationship. Then everyone goes away, turns out the lights, goes to sleep, and your friend begins to cry and speak in the foreign language again. You start to feel like a failure all over again.
As you can imagine, this makes you wonder what all the anticipation was for. You begin to wonder why you ever thought you could be a good friend. You look at other people with friends like this and they seem to have figured it out. Your sleep is light and fretful and you never feel completely rested. You start to believe that everyone else is a better friend than you could ever be and your friend may have something wrong with them. You start to believe all kinds of things that aren't even remotely true about yourself.
So what do you do? This friend is here to stay and it seems as though they will never figure anything out. You can't leave them... you would never want to. You can't change who they are and you can't change who you are. No amount of deep breathing is going to heal you of your broken heart every time she cries. There are people who envy you for the thing you have- this friend. It's a very lonely feeling and a very hopeless situation. So you sleep nonetheless and
wake up to do it all over again.
But... even despite all the frustration and confusion, you still look at them and you know you could never love anything the way you love them. So, you take a deep breath, hold her close as she cries, and just pray to God that He will teach you the language by divine intervention. You kiss her on the cheek, tell her you love her, and hope for the best.
This is the life of a new mother. It isn't sweet or glamorous and it is exhausting and frustrating. I only hope that as time passes I can become the kind of friend she needs me to be.
-Alicia
You spend months and months (nearly a year!) anticipating the arrival of a dear friend. You think you know what kind of person this friend is - how they look, smell, feel, and behave. You feel like you already know them as well as a person can know another person and you cannot wait to finally be near them. You prepare yourself to meet them, you spend countless hours taking care of yourself so you can offer them the best opportunity to truly know you and to know the kind of life you wish for them to have.
After all this agonizing anticipation, the friend arrives with a few difficulties. You are finally face-to-face and your heart is full and happy despite any difficulties. Everyone around you can see that you and this friend belong together and everyone is so happy for you. You take the friend home and she opens her mouth to communicate with you and to your surprise she speaks a completely different language than you! At first the language barrier is cute and tolearble. Then that language is used only to express distress and frustration that you don't understand.
The friend is screaming in your face, sobbing, tears falling down her cheeks, wailing, flailing, and sobbing. You try everything to get her to calm down. You feed her, clean her, wipe away her tears, hold her close, and she just won't stop crying and screaming. You ask in plain english what the matter is and the friend simply replies in that same confusing language. Finally, in defeat, you begin to cry with her... and sob... and you even attempt the language even though you know it isn't even close. Not only do you not understand her language, but she doesn't understand yours either.
The moment your friend calms, you feel close to her again, like you understand her better than anyone else. You feel happy, content, and pleased with yourself. You tell her how happy you are and everyone sees this version of your relationship. Then everyone goes away, turns out the lights, goes to sleep, and your friend begins to cry and speak in the foreign language again. You start to feel like a failure all over again.
As you can imagine, this makes you wonder what all the anticipation was for. You begin to wonder why you ever thought you could be a good friend. You look at other people with friends like this and they seem to have figured it out. Your sleep is light and fretful and you never feel completely rested. You start to believe that everyone else is a better friend than you could ever be and your friend may have something wrong with them. You start to believe all kinds of things that aren't even remotely true about yourself.
So what do you do? This friend is here to stay and it seems as though they will never figure anything out. You can't leave them... you would never want to. You can't change who they are and you can't change who you are. No amount of deep breathing is going to heal you of your broken heart every time she cries. There are people who envy you for the thing you have- this friend. It's a very lonely feeling and a very hopeless situation. So you sleep nonetheless and
wake up to do it all over again.
But... even despite all the frustration and confusion, you still look at them and you know you could never love anything the way you love them. So, you take a deep breath, hold her close as she cries, and just pray to God that He will teach you the language by divine intervention. You kiss her on the cheek, tell her you love her, and hope for the best.
This is the life of a new mother. It isn't sweet or glamorous and it is exhausting and frustrating. I only hope that as time passes I can become the kind of friend she needs me to be.
-Alicia
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
Cambria Mae- Lynn Curry born October 4, 2007
In order to make this long story as concise and interesting as possible, I'm going to do a picture blog. Hopefully this works out. If I can't finish (Cambria might be waking up soon and she will be hungry!), I will add onto it later. Here goes.
After registering, they walked me to the birthing suite and got me settled in and gave me my IV for fluids.
And push and push...
After about thirty minutes of pushing, the doctors finally presented us with Cambria Mae- Lynn Curry. I had never seen anything so amazing and beautiful in my whole life. Originally I had said I didn't want a mirror, but when they brought it out I found it helpful while pushing. When they pulled our screaming baby out and showed her to me, my mind was blown and I never felt so happy in all my life.
As they took Cambria away and the doctors worked on me, I told Cody he could go see her. I told him to go look at her and tell me how she was. They were worried that if she came out screaming she would inhale some of the BM. They suctioned her out quickly and found that everything was fine.
Cody glanced back at me and told me over and over that she was beautiful and perfect. My mom came to my side and told me I did a great job and that she was just fine. The doctors dealt with the afterbirth, gave me one stitch, and warned me that my new hemorrhoid was, as they put it, "not even funny." The epidural was still working it's magic, so I didn't feel any pain and I just wanted my baby. I heard the nurses saying how beautiful she was and everyone was laughing and crying all at the same time. My mom, Cody's mom, and Cody were the only people in the room with me. After all I had been through I didn't care who was in the room at that point! The doctors took her weight, gave her eye treatments, measured her, and did all the necessary things and finally brought her to me. As soon as she heard my voice, she seemed to calm down. She looked around for awhile, blinking and frowning, not sure what to make of it all. I was exhausted, but thrilled to meet her.
October 3, 2007 we woke up prepared to go to Summa Health Center in Akron to hopefully give birth to our little girl. The morning was going well and everything was going as planned until Cody came upstairs just before departure time, to show us that he had a rather large gash in his head.
He was running down the stairs to yell at our dog for barking excessively and he hopped a little too high down the stairs and hit his head on the low ceiling. By the time we found some ointment to put on his head and got over the ordeal, his oatmeal was cold and we had to leave (I still got to eat mine).
Finally, we headed to the car, ready to go to the hospital.
I was so nervous about being induced! I didn't know what to expect and I was tired because, of course, I didn't sleep well the night before. Every step of the way, though, Cody was there with me, just as excited and nervous as me.
After registering, they walked me to the birthing suite and got me settled in and gave me my IV for fluids.
Once I was settled in and they had been monitoring Cambria's heart rate and getting the room set up, the nurses looked at Cody's head and gave him some ice for his injury. We all laughed about it and Cody said it didn't really hurt, it was just annoying that it wouldn't stop bleeding. Once the doctor came in and introduced herself, she looked more closely at Cody's head to be sure he didn't need stitches. She said it looked fine and told him to keep it on ice for awhile and be gentle with it when washing his hair.
Finally, they induced me! They did this by inserting a pill (I can't remember the name) next to my cervix that would soften it and start the contractions.
Obviously I waited for the epidural and we simply watched the screen for contractions. The waiting began...
Obviously I waited for the epidural and we simply watched the screen for contractions. The waiting began...
I was having contractions, but I couldn't feel them. The doctors and nurses (yes, the nurse was pregnant too!) watched my temperature, blood pressure, and other vitals while we continued to wait. In order to get things moving a little more quickly, the nurse suggested that I spend some time on the birthing ball. I still wasn't really feeling the contractions, so I didn't mind sitting on it for awhile.
The birthing ball was nice, but my back started to ache and I decided that the bed was more comfortable. The nurses didn't like the idea of me staying in bed because they knew things wouldn't progress quickly enough, so they suggested that I walk around for awhile. I honestly can't remember if they had given me more of the pill for my cervix or not. Every thing's kind of a blur. During this walk, however, I began to feel my contractions intensely. After thirty minutes I got back in bed and began to breathe through the contractions.
After one very intense and awful contraction, I asked for the epidural. Everyone had to leave the room for the epidural. The doctor gave me some acid neutralizing drink that he claimed would taste like a sweet tart. It did not. After the epidural took effect, I was in heaven! I told everyone that the man who gave me the epidural was my new best friend and I meant it. However, it didn't take long before the toll of labor and the epidural began to take effect. My body temperature shot up and I began to shake very badly. I was shaking involuntarily and it felt like I was having a seizure. I got a bad headache and the doctors decided that because of my temperature, Cambria needed extra oxygen. Despite all that, I slept because the epidural kept the pain away. The sleep was fruitless, though, because as the nurse put it, my body was still essentially running a marathon. I heard my family members coming and going as I drifted in and out of sleep.
The whole experience was exhausting for everyone! Once they gave me the Pitocin, things began to move a little more quickly. My contractions sped up and after about five refills of epidural, the needle came a little loose. They had to remove the epidural line and reinsert it and I had to experience some intense contractions. My nurses were amazing and so supportive! They had some difficulties getting the epidural back in, but once it was in, I was happy again.
For a long time I wasn't dilating, so they finally decided to break my water. When they broke my water, they discovered that Cambria had had a bowel movement in the womb and they explained that a team would be in the room to receive her as soon as she came out so they could suction anything out that had gotten in her lungs. I was sad that I would have to wait to meet my baby, but I knew it was best for her. I was six centimeters when they broke my water and I fell asleep after that. After awhile they woke me up to check my dilation again. To my surprise, the nurse said to the student, "... it's time." I was shocked and she said, "You're at ten, Alicia, can you push?" I was half asleep and I didn't believe that she was serious. It had been about 26 hours since I had first been induced and I couldn't believe it was finally time. My mom woke Cody up and he rushed to my side in excitement. Cody took one leg, the student nurse took the other leg, I hooked my hands behind my knees, put my chin to my chest, and began to push.
The whole experience was exhausting for everyone! Once they gave me the Pitocin, things began to move a little more quickly. My contractions sped up and after about five refills of epidural, the needle came a little loose. They had to remove the epidural line and reinsert it and I had to experience some intense contractions. My nurses were amazing and so supportive! They had some difficulties getting the epidural back in, but once it was in, I was happy again.
For a long time I wasn't dilating, so they finally decided to break my water. When they broke my water, they discovered that Cambria had had a bowel movement in the womb and they explained that a team would be in the room to receive her as soon as she came out so they could suction anything out that had gotten in her lungs. I was sad that I would have to wait to meet my baby, but I knew it was best for her. I was six centimeters when they broke my water and I fell asleep after that. After awhile they woke me up to check my dilation again. To my surprise, the nurse said to the student, "... it's time." I was shocked and she said, "You're at ten, Alicia, can you push?" I was half asleep and I didn't believe that she was serious. It had been about 26 hours since I had first been induced and I couldn't believe it was finally time. My mom woke Cody up and he rushed to my side in excitement. Cody took one leg, the student nurse took the other leg, I hooked my hands behind my knees, put my chin to my chest, and began to push.
And push and push...
After about thirty minutes of pushing, the doctors finally presented us with Cambria Mae- Lynn Curry. I had never seen anything so amazing and beautiful in my whole life. Originally I had said I didn't want a mirror, but when they brought it out I found it helpful while pushing. When they pulled our screaming baby out and showed her to me, my mind was blown and I never felt so happy in all my life.
As they took Cambria away and the doctors worked on me, I told Cody he could go see her. I told him to go look at her and tell me how she was. They were worried that if she came out screaming she would inhale some of the BM. They suctioned her out quickly and found that everything was fine.
Cody glanced back at me and told me over and over that she was beautiful and perfect. My mom came to my side and told me I did a great job and that she was just fine. The doctors dealt with the afterbirth, gave me one stitch, and warned me that my new hemorrhoid was, as they put it, "not even funny." The epidural was still working it's magic, so I didn't feel any pain and I just wanted my baby. I heard the nurses saying how beautiful she was and everyone was laughing and crying all at the same time. My mom, Cody's mom, and Cody were the only people in the room with me. After all I had been through I didn't care who was in the room at that point! The doctors took her weight, gave her eye treatments, measured her, and did all the necessary things and finally brought her to me. As soon as she heard my voice, she seemed to calm down. She looked around for awhile, blinking and frowning, not sure what to make of it all. I was exhausted, but thrilled to meet her.
After we were acquainted a little, Cambria breastfed. I honestly barely remember this first feeding because I was so tired and hungry. I hadn't been able to eat anything during the entire process. I remember feeding her, but the pictures make it seem much different than it actually was.
Cody was a very proud daddy!
Everyone got their chance to hold her. Meanwhile, I was crying out in excruciating pain in recovery because my kidneys were killing me. I was yelling that the pain was too much and I couldn't handle it. Everyone was saying they were surprised that Cambria was sleeping through all of my shouting. I was begging the nurses to ease my pain and they could not figure out what the cause was. One nurse suggested that it may be a kidney stone. Because of the pain, I could not move and they had to do every thing for me, including put me into a new bed. However, this gave everyone else plenty of time to enjoy Cambria! (Not all of these pictures were taken while I was screaming in agonizing pain, don't worry)...
After the pain had been treated with Percocet, they gave me my baby and we slept. I don't even remember this.
The experience was unforgettable and I have hundreds of more pictures of the whole thing. Ryan and Lydia were also there and were very supportive. Cody was a great coach and everyone was very helpful. My dad helped me survive with his "box of smiles" that he claimed UPS delivered directly to the hospital (he actually gave me a box!). The next day, Kendra stopped by to see Cambria as well as my parent's pastor, Bill and his wife, Amy. Cambria was born Oct. 4, 2007 at 1:51 PM. I am still dealing with some pains and I can't wait to get back to my normal self. Breastfeeding has proven to be very difficult, but equally rewarding.
We had our first doctor's appointments today since the birth and I was put on some more antibiotics for my kidneys. Again, he said it might be a kidney stone and he sent the cultures out to be checked. Cambria is in good health and everyone's doing well. I will post more pictures later. Thank you to everyone who offered their prayers and support along the way. I couldn't have done it without all of you! I hope you have all enjoyed this blog and I will continue to use it to update you about Cambria! Thanks again and I can't wait until everyone can meet her.
-Alicia
Sunday, October 7, 2007
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
Not feeling so good... but eager!
Well, we've just about made it to Cambria's birthday. Tomorrow morning I'm going into Summa Hospital to be induced at 9AM. I don't know what method they are going to use to induce me, but I'm hoping it's one that gets things moving quickly. I also hope they induce me and keep me in the hospital instead of sending me home to manage the pain on my own. I know they won't give me the epidural until the contractions are reasonably close together, but since the hospital is so far away, it would just be easier for us to stay in Akron. Since they have been monitoring Cambria's heart rate so closely I'm sure they're going to keep us there.
I woke up this morning with a headache, nausea, and a wicked cramp in my left shoulder. I think the nausea is just because I'm feeling unbelievably nervous about everything. Last night I laid awake and I wondered if Cody could feel my shaking because I was worrying myself sick thinking about being induced. I've always been so afraid to give birth and now that it's upon us, I am truly terrified. Lydia said that she thinks she would like to be induced because then she would know when it was going to happen. I likened it to knowing the day you're going to die... you just live in fear and dread of that day.
There's still a handful of things that I need to get done, but I feel so dizzy and sick that I can't imagine doing anything but laying around and feeling sick.
-Alicia
3:39 PM
As you can tell, I get a little bored these days waiting around with too much to do. I get motivated to do something and that motivation only lasts for about ten minutes, so I'm not getting a lot done. After I ate some waffles and drank some water my stomach calmed down and so did I. As I've said throughout this pregnancy... food makes everything better. I'm getting ready to get in the shower and hopefully get some serious motivation.
Cody works tonight and I plan on being in bed by the time he gets home. After work he's supposed to go by the hotel his mom will be staying at and see them before he comes home, so I'm sure I'll be asleep when he gets in. I tried to get up early, but it didn't work out so well since I wasn't feeling good. Either way, I feel tired, so I hope to stay that way until I can call it a day.
I called the health center where I see my doctor and asked them if they knew what kind of methods would be used to induce me. The only thing they could guarantee was that it would be something through an IV and there was no telling how long it would take. I think it will take awhile to get her out of there! Just thinking about all of it is making me feel sick again. I wish I were tougher!
I saw ribs in the sink thawing, so I'm thinking it's going to be a good dinner tonight :-) Everything I do today I keep telling myself "this is the last time I _____ as a free woman". So that will be the last time I eat ribs without a baby in my life. Haha. I'm silly, I know.
-Alicia
9:03 PM
Finally, this day is coming to a close. I'm drinking some sleepytime tea and getting ready to say my prayers and lay down. Naturally, I'm very nervous, but I cannot wait to meet our little girl. It is very surreal to know that by this time tomorrow I will probably have met Cambria. This little baby who has been kicking me in the ribs and causing me so much trouble is going to be here at last! This is probably my last entry before the induction, so I hope everyone has enjoyed this blog and thanks for all the prayers and support!
-Alicia
I woke up this morning with a headache, nausea, and a wicked cramp in my left shoulder. I think the nausea is just because I'm feeling unbelievably nervous about everything. Last night I laid awake and I wondered if Cody could feel my shaking because I was worrying myself sick thinking about being induced. I've always been so afraid to give birth and now that it's upon us, I am truly terrified. Lydia said that she thinks she would like to be induced because then she would know when it was going to happen. I likened it to knowing the day you're going to die... you just live in fear and dread of that day.
There's still a handful of things that I need to get done, but I feel so dizzy and sick that I can't imagine doing anything but laying around and feeling sick.
-Alicia
3:39 PM
As you can tell, I get a little bored these days waiting around with too much to do. I get motivated to do something and that motivation only lasts for about ten minutes, so I'm not getting a lot done. After I ate some waffles and drank some water my stomach calmed down and so did I. As I've said throughout this pregnancy... food makes everything better. I'm getting ready to get in the shower and hopefully get some serious motivation.
Cody works tonight and I plan on being in bed by the time he gets home. After work he's supposed to go by the hotel his mom will be staying at and see them before he comes home, so I'm sure I'll be asleep when he gets in. I tried to get up early, but it didn't work out so well since I wasn't feeling good. Either way, I feel tired, so I hope to stay that way until I can call it a day.
I called the health center where I see my doctor and asked them if they knew what kind of methods would be used to induce me. The only thing they could guarantee was that it would be something through an IV and there was no telling how long it would take. I think it will take awhile to get her out of there! Just thinking about all of it is making me feel sick again. I wish I were tougher!
I saw ribs in the sink thawing, so I'm thinking it's going to be a good dinner tonight :-) Everything I do today I keep telling myself "this is the last time I _____ as a free woman". So that will be the last time I eat ribs without a baby in my life. Haha. I'm silly, I know.
-Alicia
9:03 PM
Finally, this day is coming to a close. I'm drinking some sleepytime tea and getting ready to say my prayers and lay down. Naturally, I'm very nervous, but I cannot wait to meet our little girl. It is very surreal to know that by this time tomorrow I will probably have met Cambria. This little baby who has been kicking me in the ribs and causing me so much trouble is going to be here at last! This is probably my last entry before the induction, so I hope everyone has enjoyed this blog and thanks for all the prayers and support!
-Alicia
Monday, October 1, 2007
October baby, Braxton Hicks, and finally sleep... then CLEANING!
1 AM
Well... Cambria is officially going to be an October baby! One plus to her having an October birthday is that my mom won't have to worry about another birthday in the 20s haha. Her birthstone is opal and I think that's pretty cool. It might be too early in the month to have costume parties for her birthday, but who knows... it could be fun. :-)
4:17 AM
Still awake. I laid down a little while ago and I had some painful contractions. I realized, though, that if I was honest with myself and tried to put a number to my pain (1 being barely any pain and 10 being excrutiating), I would put it at no higher than a 3 or 4. I think after hearing so many horror stories throughout my pregnancy (and my life) and after being told that labor is so unbearable, I have convinced myself that every ache and pain is much worse than it actually is. Even a 3 or 4 is frustrating though when you're trying to sleep. I laid on my right side and the pain was irritating so I moved to my left side and it was worse. Finally I got out of bed, used the restroom, ate some fruit, drank some water, and things seem to be letting up. I still feel a lot of pressure down below, but it isn't sharp pains. I know they say that contractions aren't "sharp", but mine definitely are. It depends on how I'm positioned, too.
Today (Sunday) my pains have been a little more intense because of the very painful pelvic exam I had. The exhaustion I feel in between contractions is heavy. I tense up my whole body, clench my teeth together, squeeze my eyes shut, squeeze the blanket, and make it much worse for myself than it needs to be. If I just relaxed and took short breaths, it wouldn't be even half as bad. I just get so nervous with every contraction and I have such horrible expectations for the pain that I get all worked up. The relief in between contractions is like a high and I feel giggly and anxious. Mixing all these emotions together (exhaustion, relief, anxiety) makes for a rather draining, hormonal, and frustrating night. I cannot tell you how terrified I am to go through this process. I am eager to meet her, but I am equally horrified at the idea of the whole thing. I wish that I had taken lamaze classes.
Anyway, it's about 4:30 AM now and I think I've got these contractions under control. Obviously they're Braxton Hicks or nothing would be helping. I just need to remind myself that 98% of the pain is in my head. Now the nauseating heartburn has set in and I'm going to go rest some more.
-Alicia
2:28 PM
I finally got some rest last night. Cody came upstairs just as I was finishing up that last post and made sure I was doing OK. I went downstairs and laid in bed for awhile and the contractions were much more painful than a 3 or 4 that time. Cody let me hold onto him and stayed awake with me while I worked through the pain for a few minutes. Once I rolled over onto my left side, the pain seemed to let up. However, my stomach seemed achy after all the contractions and it was difficult to get comfortable. Cody made sure I was all right and he went to sleep and eventually I did, too. I can't tell you how many times I got up to use the restroom through the rest of the time, but it was a lot! Every time I thought for sure the pain of urinating was going to send me into labor. But no, here we are with an achy stomach and no baby.
I feel grumpy and unmotivated to get anything done. Kemah is barking in her cage and I know she needs to go out, but I haven't showered yet or anything, so I don't want to go outside. Cody's at work until 7PM and I should use this time to get some things done. I'm sure that moving around would help ease the pain a little and I should probably get motivated.
Tomorrow night Cody's mom and their family- friend, Jalane will be flying in from Texas. I plan on going to bed as early as I can manage Tuesday night, but I'm sure I'll be so excited/nervous about everything that I will have a difficult time. I've heard from different people that being induced is "great" and other people that it's "awful". I wish people would keep their opinions and stories to themselves sometimes if they're just trying to impress me with their stories of survival. Like Katie said, what works for someone else might not work for me, so I'm just going to let my experience happen and try to ignore all the stories I've heard from strangers who don't even know me.
Now I need to shower, eat, and get some things done.
-Alicia
7:01 PM
So I've got some cleaning done. I think I'm completely caught up on my laundry and that hasn't happened in months! I didn't actually have a burst of energy, I just forced myself to do things. I also thought maybe if I was active it might start some dilation or contractions that would lead somewhere. I don't think that's the case though. Cambria's moving around a little more, but that's about it. My parents are shampooing the carpets and cleaning upstairs and I've been trying to clean as well as I can downstairs. I've got to get this nest ready for my baby bird.
Tomorrow my plan is to get up as early as I can drag my butt out of bed and clean some more so I'm exhausted at a very early hour. If the weather is nice I might go for a walk or something. I'm positive that Cambria isn't coming out until the doctor's force her out of there, so I'm not afraid of actually putting myself into labor. That's the thing that makes all my Braxton Hicks so frustrating- I know they're not actually leading to anything!
Well I should probably sweep this floor before my dad comes down to shampoo. Then I need to organize baby clothes. Cody should be home soon as long as the rain holds out (our windshield wipers still don't work).
-Alicia
Well... Cambria is officially going to be an October baby! One plus to her having an October birthday is that my mom won't have to worry about another birthday in the 20s haha. Her birthstone is opal and I think that's pretty cool. It might be too early in the month to have costume parties for her birthday, but who knows... it could be fun. :-)
4:17 AM
Still awake. I laid down a little while ago and I had some painful contractions. I realized, though, that if I was honest with myself and tried to put a number to my pain (1 being barely any pain and 10 being excrutiating), I would put it at no higher than a 3 or 4. I think after hearing so many horror stories throughout my pregnancy (and my life) and after being told that labor is so unbearable, I have convinced myself that every ache and pain is much worse than it actually is. Even a 3 or 4 is frustrating though when you're trying to sleep. I laid on my right side and the pain was irritating so I moved to my left side and it was worse. Finally I got out of bed, used the restroom, ate some fruit, drank some water, and things seem to be letting up. I still feel a lot of pressure down below, but it isn't sharp pains. I know they say that contractions aren't "sharp", but mine definitely are. It depends on how I'm positioned, too.
Today (Sunday) my pains have been a little more intense because of the very painful pelvic exam I had. The exhaustion I feel in between contractions is heavy. I tense up my whole body, clench my teeth together, squeeze my eyes shut, squeeze the blanket, and make it much worse for myself than it needs to be. If I just relaxed and took short breaths, it wouldn't be even half as bad. I just get so nervous with every contraction and I have such horrible expectations for the pain that I get all worked up. The relief in between contractions is like a high and I feel giggly and anxious. Mixing all these emotions together (exhaustion, relief, anxiety) makes for a rather draining, hormonal, and frustrating night. I cannot tell you how terrified I am to go through this process. I am eager to meet her, but I am equally horrified at the idea of the whole thing. I wish that I had taken lamaze classes.
Anyway, it's about 4:30 AM now and I think I've got these contractions under control. Obviously they're Braxton Hicks or nothing would be helping. I just need to remind myself that 98% of the pain is in my head. Now the nauseating heartburn has set in and I'm going to go rest some more.
-Alicia
2:28 PM
I finally got some rest last night. Cody came upstairs just as I was finishing up that last post and made sure I was doing OK. I went downstairs and laid in bed for awhile and the contractions were much more painful than a 3 or 4 that time. Cody let me hold onto him and stayed awake with me while I worked through the pain for a few minutes. Once I rolled over onto my left side, the pain seemed to let up. However, my stomach seemed achy after all the contractions and it was difficult to get comfortable. Cody made sure I was all right and he went to sleep and eventually I did, too. I can't tell you how many times I got up to use the restroom through the rest of the time, but it was a lot! Every time I thought for sure the pain of urinating was going to send me into labor. But no, here we are with an achy stomach and no baby.
I feel grumpy and unmotivated to get anything done. Kemah is barking in her cage and I know she needs to go out, but I haven't showered yet or anything, so I don't want to go outside. Cody's at work until 7PM and I should use this time to get some things done. I'm sure that moving around would help ease the pain a little and I should probably get motivated.
Tomorrow night Cody's mom and their family- friend, Jalane will be flying in from Texas. I plan on going to bed as early as I can manage Tuesday night, but I'm sure I'll be so excited/nervous about everything that I will have a difficult time. I've heard from different people that being induced is "great" and other people that it's "awful". I wish people would keep their opinions and stories to themselves sometimes if they're just trying to impress me with their stories of survival. Like Katie said, what works for someone else might not work for me, so I'm just going to let my experience happen and try to ignore all the stories I've heard from strangers who don't even know me.
Now I need to shower, eat, and get some things done.
-Alicia
7:01 PM
So I've got some cleaning done. I think I'm completely caught up on my laundry and that hasn't happened in months! I didn't actually have a burst of energy, I just forced myself to do things. I also thought maybe if I was active it might start some dilation or contractions that would lead somewhere. I don't think that's the case though. Cambria's moving around a little more, but that's about it. My parents are shampooing the carpets and cleaning upstairs and I've been trying to clean as well as I can downstairs. I've got to get this nest ready for my baby bird.
Tomorrow my plan is to get up as early as I can drag my butt out of bed and clean some more so I'm exhausted at a very early hour. If the weather is nice I might go for a walk or something. I'm positive that Cambria isn't coming out until the doctor's force her out of there, so I'm not afraid of actually putting myself into labor. That's the thing that makes all my Braxton Hicks so frustrating- I know they're not actually leading to anything!
Well I should probably sweep this floor before my dad comes down to shampoo. Then I need to organize baby clothes. Cody should be home soon as long as the rain holds out (our windshield wipers still don't work).
-Alicia
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