The difficulties continue...

The pain of thrush came back full force yesterday and I wasn't expecting that. I've been taking my medicine as directed. It's really difficult to give a baby medicine four times a day though. I'm trying to keep everything sanitized and sterilized, but that takes a lot of time and effort. When I look in her mouth for the thrush I don't see anything, but I know from the pain that I still have it, so I'm sure she does, too.

I've given her quite a few bottles and every time I feel guilty. She actually doesn't seem to like it very much and we do better with breastfeeding. Also, if she's really fussy, I can't give her a pacifier, but she'll gladly take a finger. I'm sure sticking my finger in a yeast infected mouth isn't the greatest idea, but when it's 4 or 5 AM and I haven't slept in a long time, I'll do anything to get a nap.

For the most part though, she likes pacifiers and they are a tremendous help. The only problem is that she can't keep it in her mouth on her own. So if the pacifier is in her mouth, someone has to sit there and hold it until she calms down or falls asleep. Last night... all night... I was sleeping in the same position with my hand on the pacifier. Needless to say, this makes it difficult to get good sleep. Anytime I'm in my bed, though, and not the couch, I'm happy!

She's been cooing and smiling a lot more lately and diaper changes are much less of a catastrophe. I think she might be getting a diaper rash (the thrush can cause that), but I'm hoping not.

Yesterday Cambria had a doctor's appointment with the pediatric cardiologist. They did an EKG and they took an ultrasound of her heart. I was so shocked that she did so well. She laid there, cooing and looking around without crying for a long time. The ultrasound was pushing it, though and we had to give her the pacifier and she was fine. The doctor reviewed the ultrasound and came in and explained things to us. He calmly said, "Cambria has a hole in her heart" and I felt all the blood drain into my feet. Quickly he went on to explain that the hole should repair itself and it should not affect her development at all. He wants to see her back in four months to be sure that the hole is closing and if it isn't, he said they can easily repair it (without surgery) when she is 4 or 5 years old. He assured us that she looks healthy and sent us on our way.

So today my goal is to exclusively breastfeed with no more bottles for the day. I also plan to pump some so I can avoid using formula. Maybe I shouldn't set such goals for myself as it only sets me up for disappointment, but what else am I supposed to do all day? She's been fussing at the breast and that makes me nervous that I've given her too many bottles and pacifiers, so we've got to get back on track.

I did call the lactation people at Akron and they asked my name and where I delivered, but still answered my questions. I just asked if there was anything I should know about thrush and they were really informative. If she continues to fuss while I'm trying to breastfeed I'm going to call them again and ask them what the problem might be.

As I've said before, I don't think it was love at first sight with Cambria because after 27 hours of labor I was just relieved to have her out of there! But last night as I was watching her snooze in my arms I realized I was more in love with her now than ever before. I knew then that everyday I'm going to love her more and more. It also helps that she's seeming to form a bit of a personality! I love her smiles and her coos and I even love her little pouty face some times.

My brother's wife, Lydia, is basically due any day now. Soon Cambria will have a little cousin to stare at and cry with!

-Alicia
PS- No, we're not living in Canton- we're in Wayne which is about 45 minutes from Canton.