Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Scent, Ashley Judd, and dreams...

So far, being pregnant is not fun. It's too much to juggle- the exhaustion, the nausea, the cramps, and the stress. I still don't have medicaid and I don't know how to apply for it. My dad said he researched it and put the link online, but I don't see the link, so I don't know how to apply. This is very frustrating because I need to see a doctor and I'm tired of people asking me if I've seen one yet. It's embarrassing that I even need medicaid, so telling people, "no, I don't have health insurance" is like a punch to the gut every time.

Today I slept in until 11:30AM and that's the latest I've slept in since I found out I am pregnant. I set an alarm to get up at 9:30AM to go apply for medicaid, but I couldn't even function at that hour. I know I complain a lot about being tired, but seriously, it's driving me nuts.

Because my sense of smell is as good as a dog's right now, every little scent make me feel like puking. Even if it's something nice, if it is a strong smell, I can't handle it. If the whole house smells like dinner, I have a difficult time eating it. When women come into work and they smell like they're still blowing smoke out of their mouth from their last cigarette, I nearly gag right in front of them. I can't handle that smell normally, but now it's magnified by 1,000x. Last night Cody sat down beside me and I said, "Did you wash your hands with that soap I don't like?" Then later he went upstairs and when he came back and sat down, I said, "Did you put baby lotion on?" He said, "That's creepy." Not only can I smell things but I can identify it instantly. His hands weren't even near my face. And just as a side note: that soap IS disgusting. It's some kitchen herb soap from Bath & Body Works and trust me, it's gross. It smells like you washed your hands in dirt and weeds.

There's an Ashley Judd movie and the name of the film escapes me now, but there's a scene in the movie when she's visiting her doctor. She explains that she read somewhere that the sense of smell is directly connected with memories. She begins crying and begs the doctor to take out her "olfactory" something or other because every time she smells her ex boyfriend's cologne anywhere, she instantly begins crying and can't stop. She says she can't live like that and please to take it out, she knows it can be done. It's actually a pretty funny scene. But that's how I feel, I want my "olfactory something or other" removed until my first trimester is over, then I want it back. But I don't think it's a reversible procedure. Just so you know, he won't take it out.

Another new development is dreaming. I dream every night now, multiple dreams, and I remember most of them. I had a dream that Cody became a crackhead and left me at 8 months pregnant. I dreamt that my friend, Stack, and I got into a fist fight at a restaurant and I gave her a black eye so she sliced me with a knife from the table. I had a dream that my grandma got beat up in a bar (why was she in a bar?) and my grandpa had to go help her and he got beat up too. I had a dream that Cody and I had a fight and I wanted to leave the house, but I didn't have a car, so I grabbed a sled and some drumsticks and scraped my way down the street. I had a dream that my neighbor confessed to me that he was a serial killer and he wanted my family so he kidnapped me. I dreamt that the military invented a flying motorcycle and Cody and I got to test it Harry Potter style. The list goes on and on and on. I dream like crazy and my poor family has to hear about it everyday. I used to dream a lot, but not like this. My person favorite is the drumstick sled dream. Funny stuff.

So that's all. Not a lot is new. I've been really worried about these cramps, but I'm hoping it's nothing to worry about. I hope to see a doctor soon.

I have wedding invitations to address!


PS- the time that it says that I posted this is wrong. I can't figure out how to put it in the right time zone. If you're curious, it's 12:41 PM.

Monday, January 29, 2007

Week #4!

Yesterday was 4 weeks. We went to church in Akron and it felt good to be there. During the service I felt really sick and dizzy just sitting there. I was trying my best not to throw up. I was just thinking, "what would the pastor do if I just puked in the middle of his sermon right on the floor? There's no way he could ignore it and continue. Everyone will see, don't do it!" So that was motivation enough. I made it through the service and had a nice chat with Marcia after the service. She's always been very supportive and now is no different. I really enjoy talking to women who have already been through the experience and can offer some advice and understanding.

So far I haven't experienced any morning sickness that involved actual vomiting. Thank God. But after I take my prenatal vitamins, I do tend to feel nauseous and dizzy. My teeth have also been hurting which my mom says is because the baby is taking any bit of calcium he/she can get out of my body. Not to mention, it's also sucking out any energy I may have in my body. I get out of bed, shower, start my day, and by the time I finish doing my makeup and eating breakfast, I'm ready to take a nap. I have never been so fatigued in my life.

No odd cravings so far. Not to me anyway. Cody thought it was weird that I was dipping vegetable crackers in ranch dressing, but I didn't see what was so odd about that. It was good. Mostly I have aversions. When I smell food I feel sick. Yesterday I ate some pot stickers and today the smell of them made me gag. It's like I can't eat one thing more than once a week because I instantly get sick of it. I am trying to increase my water intake. Slowly.

I'm getting plenty of rest and I'm trying to remain productive despite how tired I am all the time. I'm forcing myself to eat even when I don't want to. I'm trying to keep a low level of stress and that's really the hardest thing of all.

Well I have to get to work and watching Cody eat these pot stickers is making me want to throw up. So luckily, I'm getting of this house!


Saturday, January 27, 2007

Thank you

Everywhere I go, I meet a pregnant girl! It's in the Ohio water I guess. Although... I don't drink water. Well, I didn't before anyway.

I just wanted to say thanks for all your comments and support, everyone!
Katie- I love hearing from you since I know that you just went through all this!
Blondie- I'm soooo happy that you're excited to be a grandma! It's always an added plus to know you've got a great support system.
Melody- You're going to be an awesome auntie and I'd let you sonogram me anyday :-)
Trena- I'm flattered that you want to come to my shower and I can't wait for it to happen!
Jason- Ryan said you heard from Hannah who heard from Gillian who heard from someone at Malone and that makes me laugh! News travels FAST and FAR! Thank you so much for your support, it means a lot to me, it really does. Tell Hannah I said 'hi' and I miss her.
Did I miss anybody?!

Seriously, though, I am so happy to see all the support. I can't thank you all enough.

My new thing is having random moments of anxiety about the laboring/birthing process. My biggest fear in life has been to give birth and that hasn't changed. Cody says I'll get used to the idea, but I don't think I will. I'm so terribly, deathly frightened of giving birth. I have no pain tolerance. I know I'm getting the epidural, but I'm so tired of people telling me it's better not to get it and whatnot. I can't pull through a 14 hour pregnancy or anything like that. I'm just going to have to not think about it.

Cramps are still going on strong, but that's all. It worries me, but like I've said, no medical insurance means no doctor yet! Wish me luck or pray for me or keep me in your thoughts or whatever it is that you do so that I can just get some insurance to get through this.

At any rate, thank you all for everything and I hope to see each of you at any one of my baby showers! Oh yeah, and my dress for the wedding is picked out, so we're making progress.


Thursday, January 25, 2007

Cramps, Milk, and Quilts

So I can't sleep the way I used to sleep. I don't know if this is due to the pregnancy, but it's weird. I used to stay up until 2, 3, 4AM and sleep until dinner the next day. Now, I wake up between 9Am and 11AM with an intense urge to pee! I wake up and there's no stalling, I have to rush to the bathroom. I'm tired allllllllllll the time. I guess a major symptom of the first trimester is constant fatigue and I'm definitely feeling that. I can sleep at any given time, but as soon as I come back to reality, I have to go to the bathroom and I'm awake.

It is a well known fact that I hate milk and even more than milk, I hate water. This makes for a very difficult hydration situation. In our house, we have Pepsi, Mountain Dew, Tea, water, and milk. I also don't like tea. I feel dehydrated all the time. I am constantly thirsty. So I've been drinking chocolate milk, but it doesn't quench my thirst. I'm just always thirsty. It's frustrating. I miss my caffeine. I'm trying to take Tums to boost my calcium intake since I don't drink milk.

I also can't eat like I used to. I'm trying to keep a full stomach because as soon as I start to feel hungry I feel dizzy and nauseus. I'm not trying to feel stuffed all the time, just always have something in my stomach. When I wake up I feel really sick, but I don't throw up. So then I eat and I can't finish anything. I can't even finish a can of spaghettios, my favorite! I eat too much and I feel sick and if I don't eat enough I feel sick. It's a balancing act. I'm just waiting for the sickness to hit me.

When I lie down at night, I get intense cramps in my stomach. Last night I had bad cramps and I couldn't fall asleep despite how exhausted I was. I know this is because of the pregnancy. I find that if I lie on my back it makes the cramps ease up long enough for me to fall asleep. This makes me really nervous and I hope that everything's OK. However, I don't have any health insurance yet so I can't call up my doctor and schedule an appointment. I need insurance and I need it fast.

Heather, Laura, and Brittany are planning on throwing me a Malone baby shower in May after all the Seniors come back from anywhere they've gone for the semester. I'm excited because I need ALL the showers and support I can use. I love my friends and those three are especially awesome. I was talking to Laura on the phone last night and I said, "I"m going to get big and fat!" and Laura said, "No, you're not. You're just going to get even more beautiful than you already are." Aww, how cute is she? I love those girls! Heather has also agreed to enlist the assistance of her friend, Tiffany, and the three of us are going to make a baby quilt together! I'm so excited about that! I'm going to gather random fabrics from around the house and hopefully we can make something really cute.

Sunday, I'll be four weeks along. I'm reading a book that takes you through your pregnancy week by week and I'm ready for week four!

That's all!

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

The Happy Accident

On January 20, 2007 I went into work at Fashion Bug, clocked in, put my things away and got ready for the day. I was tired from a lack of sleep the night before, but it was going to be a short shift. My boss, Jamie was working and another Sales Associate, Tiffany was working with us.

Jamie had just recently discovered she was pregnant and another Sales Associate, Mia also found out she was pregnant. Jamie and I were chatting behind the counter and she suddenly blurted out, "are you pregnant?" Shocked, I shrugged my shoulders. She asked if I was late and I held up three fingers and said "days", shyly. She gasped and said "Go to the Dollar Tree and buy a test!" I laughed and said, "I highly doubt that those tests are reliable." She explained that when she first found out she was pregnant, it was from one of their tests. So she sent me on a mission to the Dollar Tree. I'd never felt so ridiculous as I did buying pregnancy tests at the Dollar Tree. However, I was nervous.

The night before, I had decided that the next day I would buy a test, but I didn't expect to be doing it at work. Anyway...

So I came back with two tests because I wanted to be sure. Jamie took me in the back room and explained the best way to do it with that particular test and sent me to the bathroom. I took the test and I watched the square box fill up with pink. Two lines meant positive, one meant negative. I was looking for one line, hoping for one line, holding breath for ONE LINE. Slowly, one very dark pink line appeared. I watched as the box filled up more and saw a second line appearing vaguely. My eyes got as big as sand dollars, I couldn't believe a second line was showing up. Quickly, I opened the door and went to the desk. Jamie said, "Well?" Nervously, I said, "You go look at it and tell me what you think." She went into the bathroom. As I stood with Tiffany, I explained that it would be bad timing for Cody and I as we were currently planning our Christmas wedding to be on Dec. 15, 2007. Jamie came out of the bathroom and said, "You're pregnant!" I ran back to the bathroom and sure enough, there were two dark pink lines on the test.

Instantly, I started crying and went into the break room to sit down. I began drinking water fast and I was sweating. I called Cody and said, "Jamie asked if I was pregnant and she had me take a test here at work ... and oh, my God, Cody, I'm pregnant." He said, "Are you serious?" Jamie came into the room and asked if I was OK and all I could say was, "I don't know what to do! We can't afford this right now." Cody said he would come to see me at work as soon as he was ready and we hung up. Jamie assured me that everything was going to be OK and told me to take my time. I regained composure and went back to work.

I drank two bottles of water and went to take the second test. Needless to say, it was positive also, definitely positive. It was becoming more real to me as the day passed. I decided, on my break, to get the digital test because I wanted to be 100% positive. I took the digital test and of course it said "pregnant." I accepted it as I talked about it with my co-workers and I began dreading telling my parents. Cody told his mom over the phone and he texted me to tell me that she was excited for us. I felt a little better knowing that his mom was on board with us. I knew my parents would be, too it was just going to be challenging to tell them.

My parents picked me up from work (my car is still not fixed) and the drive home was silent. I was going crazy inside my head, trying to think of how to tell them, when to tell them, and wondering what they would say or do. They had been grocerry shopping all day and I didn't want to tell them until we were home.

At home, my mom was unpacking grocerries and my dad was changing light bulbs in the kitchen. I watched my dad changing the light bulbs and I waited until he pulled the last dead one down and I knew he was done with the task. Finally, before I burst, I said, "You guys? I'm pregnant." With light bulb in hand, my dad said, "No you're not!" I said, "Yes, I am." He sighed heavily then went to the door to smoke a cigarette. My mom was speechless for a moment and said, "Well, that changes things." I started crying and my mom hugged me. My dad said, "Don't cry, we're not mad or anything!" I said, "I know, I'm just scared." They were very understanding and calm about it. Once it settled in, we started discussing that we would need to move the wedding up.

The next morning I took the second digital test (a total of four tests) and it was, again, positive. Cody was still in bed downstairs in the house and I yelled down the stairs, "CODY?" he said, "Yeaaah?" I said, "I'm still pregnant!" I found myself feeling happy. I was glad to see the positive result. It had sunk in and I was feeling a little excited. We're having a baby!

So that's the story of how I found out that I was pregnant. There's a lot more stuff (including another positive test) that happened between then and now, but that's the main idea. The wedding has been moved to March 10, 2007 in Dallas, TX. A big bump! I'm about 3 weeks along. I can tell you the exact moment it was conceived, so there's no wondering about that!

So today is the 24th and because I skipped breakfast, I felt pretty sick all afternoon. I worked today and thought for sure I was going to puke while ringing out a shopper, but I didn't, thank God. Cody's working this evening and we're working on planning a fast fast fast wedding.

Our baby names (we shook on it, that's it):
Girl: Cambria Mae- Lynn Curry
Boy: Conor Michael Race Curry

Everyone's excited and despite the nervousness, so am I. Plenty more stories to come.

And to the Little Baby in my Tummy,
I love you already... more than you'll ever know.