Sunday, February 25, 2007

Maternity clothes and rapid growth

Well, I'm starting to develop a belly. Not a big one and it's not really noticeable, but it's there underneath my baggy tee shirts and pajama pants. Friday my mom and I went shopping for rehearsal dinner dresses. We went to strongsville mall and I may have possibly tried on every dress in that mall only to realize that my belly was making all the cutest dresses too short. The cut of the dresses is right, but the length was not. So we went to Kohl's and I didn't find anything there. Finally, we went to Target. I don't know how to say this, exactly, but... I got a maternity dress. I didn't get it because I needed it right now, but because the length was right and with the adjustable waist line, I have PLENTY of room to get HUGE and I can probably wear it through my whole pregnancy. The way I wear it now it just looks like a normal dress and you can't tell it's maternity, but it will be nice to have a sun dress to wear when I get huge. I have a feeling I'm going to get huge if I'm already getting a belly. I mean, the baby's only the size of a large lime right now, so I can't imagine what I'll look like when it's the size of a... well, baby.

In two weeks, I will be three months along. I've been counting weeks, so I didn't really think about dividing them up into months and it didn't even occur to me how far along I was. My mom pointed out that I had a little belly and I said, "No, it's too soon for me to be showing anything." and she said, "Well, you're almost out of your first trimester... so... no, it's not." I didn't even realize that!! Hopefully this means I'll be making it through the first trimester with no morning sickness. So far I've had a pretty ideal pregnancy except for the hemorrhage that caused cramps which has let up almost completely.

I haven't had any odd cravings, just odd times to be hungry. I don't wake up hungry, but I certainly get hungry late at night. Also, I've become the type of person who carries food in her purse now. Oh, man. Yesterday Cody bought me Girl Scout cookies (how sweet of him!) and later that night I took them to the mall with me. No matter what time I eat, I know that in another hour or two, I'll be hungry again. I can't stay pacified. I've also been eating A LOT of sugar. Well, a lot to me. I've been trying to cut back, but at work people always bring in candy and cookies and whatnot and I can't help but scarf it down. They, of course, encourage me to eat it because they know I will.

So that's about all. I'm still tired all the time, but soon we'll be entering the "rapid growth" period and I hear you get less tired. Seems odd, but I'll take what I can get.

Thursday, February 22, 2007

Overwhelmed and frustrated

Well, Katie, I tried milk of magnesia and all it did for me was produce a result quite the opposite of constipation and that was UNATTRACTIVE. I really just want a happy medium.

My dorm- mates may remember that I used to be quite a regular girl (we had a contest- I won). Now, I'm lucky to have one a day. And if I do, it's extremely painful. Sometimes I choose not to have a BM just because I don't have the energy to do it.

Yesterday I cried a lot about the wedding and as I cried, it turned into crying about the baby. I expressed to my mother that I had a poor childhood and I didn't want that for my own children. She said "God will take care of you and your baby" and I stomped my foot like a little kid and said, "But I want to take care of it!" I just really feel like my baby will never have all the things it needs and especially nothing it wants as it gets older. I'm trying to focus on the positive, but right now, I don't see anything positive other than the fact that I know I have enough love for the baby. But love doesn't buy a stroller or a crib or pay for an education. Everything is just so overwhelming (wedding, lack of money, pregnancy, family issues, etc.) that I'd rather just sleep and not deal with it. So that's what I've been doing. But that's just as exhausting. This is, by far, the most frustrating time in my life and I need to keep a low level of stress.

It seems to be helping that I take my vitamins at night now instead of in the morning. I've been coming closer and closer to throwing up in the mornings, but I haven't yet. We'll see if it lasts. Hopefully by Tuesday, I'll have filed for medicaid.

My clothes still fit and this past week with my illness, I lost a couple pounds. Don't worry though, I'll probably overcompensate this next week.

I'm tired and my dascshund wants to cuddle so I'm going to lie down and maybe read some Narnia.


Saturday, February 17, 2007

Weight gain and constipation

As Cody put it, the baby is now the size of a fun size Snickers. He also wonders why he keeps saying the baby is the size of a food (skittle, shrimp, kidney bean, snickers...). He assures me that he has no desire to eat the baby. I wonder sometimes.

I'm gaining weight. I didn't think the weight gain would come for at least another month, but as I read, my uterus is getting bigger, so it could cause a little weight gain. Also, I read that you start gaining weight in your legs first. I haven't noticed fat legs yet, but boy am I dreading that! My pants don't fit as well, but maybe that's because I'm constipated. I got milk of magnesia, but it didn't do anything for me. Do you realize how awful that is? It hurts. It basically puts me in a bad mood all day because I feel so bloated and I can't get rid of anything I eat. So I think that's where the "weight" is coming from.

I didn't think I'd gained any noticeable weight, but then while I was at work, a customer said, "The last time I was in here, I heard you mention that you were pregnant and now you're already showing!" I wanted to tell her that the baby was hardly an inch big so there's no way I was "showing", but I just smiled politely. I told my co-workers that all she was seeing is my constipation. My pooh baby. Just for future reference- telling a pregnant girl that she's gained weight or that she's starting to show is not really OK. From your point of view, you might think it's going to happen anyway and it's not a big deal, but trust me, don't mention it. It's for your own safety. No matter why it's happening, no girl likes to be told she's gaining weight. Even if it's totally obvious that she is.

The cramping has let up a little, but they still come around at night. Even though they're not as frequent, the two or three that I get now hurt worse than ever before. I have to breathe through it and sometimes it makes me feel dizzy. However, I don't have insurance yet, so I can't just trot off to the doctor and get checked out. Frustrating. Truly frustrating.

Anyway, no other real updates. I still feel tired all the time, I cramp occassionally, I'm bloated and constipated. Things are moving slowly, but soon it's going to get out of hand, so I guess I should be grateful. Oh yeah, and the baby supposedly has fingers and toes now and eyelids are growing. Crazy. Sometimes I still can't believe I'm having a baby.


Sunday, February 11, 2007

Oh dear God

I don't like it when people leave comments under 'anonymous'. Especially when the comment is: oh dear God. Or whatever it was. So clue me in... who wrote that? And what was it in response to? Yeah, yeah, yeah I'm having a baby. Oh. Dear. God. Is right. Who are you anonymous person?!

Anyway, nothing new so far. I've had two dreams now that I'm having a boy. I don't know if that makes it so, but it certainly makes me wonder. Will it be a Conor Michael Race ... or could it be a Cambria Mae- Lynn? I'm starting to think it's a Conor. Which I would be totally fine with. Then when our little Cambria comes along, she'll have a big brother to protect her.

My mom keeps telling me I need to not gain a lot of weight between now and the wedding and it's really not helpful to hear that. I can't exactly control how much weight I gain as far as the pregnancy goes. I can control what I eat and how much I eat, but that's about it. Trust me, I don't want to be a fat bride. Plus, my dress has already been fitted, so I know I don't need to gain any weight. But I can't stop it from happening a little. I don't think I'll be too big. I'm only about 8 weeks along right now, so I've got a little time before I start showing.

My stomach is constantly growling. It's really quite odd. I eat and I feel stuffed then moments later, my stomach is growling like crazy. How could that be? The fetus is only about the size of a pinto bean. However, it does have elbows now and the chambers for the brain. It's really surprising how much it grows from one week to the next.

So that's all. Thanks for the encouragement, Katie. I still need to cut back on the sugar a little, but it does help to hear that if I want ice cream and sprees every once in awhile, it's not going to kill me. Not together... the ice cream and sprees. Separately. But equally delicious.



Wednesday, February 7, 2007

First trimester and wedding

I don't like being pregnant. Everytime I consume sugar, I feel guilty because I know it's not good for us. Everytime I smell something, I want to puke. Everytime I sleep, I can't stay asleep for more than 6 hours. Everytime I think, I get stressed. I cramp, I yawn, I eat, I cramp, I eat, I yawn, I sleep. I cramp, cramp, cramp. Whoever says they enjoy pregnancy must forget how awful the first trimester is. Nobody can enjoy this. And planning a wedding on top of it all... is hell. To say the least.

I figured out how I want to arrange my bedroom with the crib and everything. So now it's just a matter of doing it. First, we have to get through the wedding. I'm so tired of starting to think about the baby and then forcing myself to stop because the wedding is first. I really wasn't thinking when I ... well, when we. Y'know. Oh well.

I felt like complaining, so I did. Now I'm done.


Sunday, February 4, 2007

Same 'ol, Same 'ol

I don't think the baby likes church. Last week when we went to church, I had to focus on not throwing up. This week, the same thing, I had a difficult time listening because I didn't want to throw up. Grr. And yes, I ate breakfast. Although, I have yet to experience true morning sickness, I only feel nauseous.

I saw Katie Hughes, Andrew Rudd and his wife and I talked to them for awhile and I asked Katie if it was her that had left the message on my last post about coming to the baby shower. She didn't even know I was having a baby and I don't know if A-Rudd knew either. I kind of felt stupid for just blurting it out like that, but I guess I just feel like everyone already knows. I don't know why. I hope she didn't think it was pretentious of me to assume she wanted to come. Now that I really read that comment, I can see exactly which Katie it is and I don't know why I ever thought it was Hughes. Oh, well.

Cramps are worse at night, but I'm handling them well I suppose. I don't take Tylenol or anything for them because there's just no telling when they're going to hit and how long they're going to last. So when they come, I just have to breathe through it, and usually I try to sleep it off. As I mentioned before, I'm not bleeding out, so I'm not worried about it. It's just a painful bother.

Mostly I'm just documenting all of this because I want to remember it. I hope to print it out and keep it as a kind of journal. Maybe it will help if I ever get pregnant again in the far off future. I know these next 7 months are going to fly by, so I want to be sure that I get everything. I don't mean to bore anyone by repeating myself over and over. But hey, that's my life right now, the same things over and over.

All I have to say is this baby needs to learn to like church, 'cause he/she's stuck with it!


Friday, February 2, 2007

Surprise ending

So last night I decided to go to the Emergency Room because my cramps had been so bad the night before and it was worrying me. I had read that 1 in 100 pregnancies is ectopic and it freaked me out. I just knew something was right, so we went.

We got to the hospital at 6:30PM and we weren't really seen until about 11:30. Wow. It was a really busy night. They did blood work and that was actually quite painful despite my not having an aversion to needles. I thought they were going to take every drop in my body. Hours after the blood work, I talked to my doctor and he told me that he was worried it could be ectopic which would be life threatening for me. He said they needed to do an ultrasound and a "female exam" to make sure the baby was in the right place and that my reproductive organs weren't damaged in anyway.

Hours after talking to him, a woman came in with a computer and a huge rocket shaped thing covered in a condom. When he said "ultrasound" I thought he meant an ULTRASOUND. But no, it wasn't exactly what I thought. I won't go into details, but I'll just say that I laid there counting and breathing and I hope to never be invaded like that again. So they waited on the results while I strained to stay awake. I listened to the patients in the curtain beside me and I could tell you all of his symptoms if you wanted me to.

Earlier in the evening, I had given a urine sample and it turned out that I have a urinary tract infection. Story of my ever- lovin' life. So I got antibiotics for that. Unfortunately, he decided to do a manual pelvic exam and I warned him that I might pee on his hand. Finally, around 2:30AM, we got the results from the ultrasound/sonogram, and blood work. He assured me that the baby was in the uterus where it belongs. I was so relieved. However, the cramping was being caused by a hemorrhage behind my placenta. He said this was really common and most women who experience it go on to carry babies to full term without a problem. So he referred me to an OB/GYN at a clinic and they will have to monitor the hemorrhage for awhile. That probably means that invasion wasn't a one time thing.

In the end, the doctor dropped us a little surprise. He said that he heard a heartbeat. Um... what? We're only four weeks along, the heart should still be developing! He said the heartbeat isn't usually detectable until about the 8th week, but we were a little early with the heartbeat and we're at 7 weeks now. So... surprise! We're about a whole month farther along than we thought. The baby's heart was beating 170 BPM, which is a healthy heartbeat. I was shocked, but so excited to hear that it had a beating heart!!

So anyway, every thing's OK and my level of stress went way down knowing that the baby is sitting right where it should be with it's little beating heart. It was the most expensive mind easing session of my life. But worth every penny.