Thursday, August 16, 2007

Positions, breastfeeding, and dreams!

Cambria is no longer low and she no longer stays in one spot. In fact, she lives in my ribs now and she rolls all over the place. However, I get the feeling that she's not going all over the place by choice. I'm very small and she's getting very big and she doesn't have anywhere to go! Today as I was sitting in a breastfeeding "class", my stomach was moving around so much I was sure the other girls could see it. I really can't stand to sit for very long because I get a pinched feeling in my ribs and it gets pretty unbearable. She tries to stay on my left side, but I still feel her over on the right.

Every night now I lay down and groan "Cody, tell your daughter to stop being mean to me." He tries to tell her, but she doesn't listen. The skin on my stomach feels so tight that I wonder some times if it isn't going to just rip open and expose the little creature inside.

If she is on my left side (in my ribs) I some times push on her and I feel a sharp pain on my right side and then she pushes back into my left side. She is a very strong little girl and she is very stubborn when she gets comfortable. Her movements aren't so much kicking anymore as they are pushing and rolling. I would like to know what she's doing in there some times!

As August is national breastfeeding month, I want to make it known that I am going to try my absolute best to breastfeed. If my milk doesn't come in right away, I'm not going to use that as an excuse to bottle feed. As long as I am on maternity leave, I will be exclusively breastfeeding. My mom has tried to convince me that it can be very painful some times, but all of the lactation specialists I have talked to say that the only time it hurts is if the baby is latched on wrong and that can be easily fixed. Once Cambria and I learn how to breastfeed well, Cody can bond with her through the occasional bottle feeding. It seems like every one has doubts that I will stick with breastfeeding, but I really am determined.

A few nights ago I had a very silly dream about Cambria. I dreamt that it was the day we were bringing her home from the hospital and I had put her down in her crib. She was wide awake and I was talking to her and smiling. I was sticking my tongue out at her and she was mocking me and I was so shocked that she was already responding so clearly. I laughed and tried to put socks on her feet. Immediately, she kicked the socks off and I put them on. Over and over I put the socks back on her feet. Finally, a frustrated Cambria shook her head slowly and said, "Nooo!" I gasped and couldn't believe that she was already so smart! I turned away for a moment and when I turned back to look at her, she was crawling and had crawled to the top of a huge pile of toys. I was laughing because I was so thrilled at how "smart" she was, but I was a little sad that she was growing up so fast. She was so real in that dream- I could draw her face now it was so vivid. I dream about her so often that I almost look forward to sleeping just so I get to be with her again! Unfortunately, in my dreams, she is bald. I really want her to have hair!

There was a customer at work the other day who asked if I was having a girl or a boy. When I told her it was a girl she looked at me, appalled, and said, "No, it's a boy. I'm never wrong. You better be careful... that is NOT a girl in there." Ahhhh. My intuition says it's a girl and so does the ultrasound. But hey, every one's an expert except for me, right? Especially when it comes to my baby.

I think it's time for hubbin cuddles.


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