We had our NST today and they added on an AFI just to check the fluids around Cambria. The monitor was showing that I was having a lot of contractions so even though I couldn't feel them, they were concerned and decided to check to see if I was dilated. They saw that the fluids looked good and after a very painful pelvic exam they saw that I still wasn't dilated beyond one centimeter. So since the heart rate and Cambria looked good and I wasn't in pain, they sent us home. I was in a lot of pain from the pelvic exam so I laid down and I've been sleeping all day. I'm just trying to take it easy. Now I'm going to go watch a movie with Cody.
-Alicia
Sunday, September 30, 2007
Saturday, September 29, 2007
Getting nervous!
I was just discussing the laboring process with my mother and it made me more nervous than ever before. She didn't say anything I didn't already know and she wasn't trying to scare me, it's just really sinking in now that it's going to be happening very soon. Last night I was laying in bed and I began to experience some pretty intense contractions. I almost woke Cody up, but I waited for them to let up. While I was in pain I felt a sudden moment of panic and I almost prayed to God that it wasn't time to go into labor. I have always been deathly afraid of giving birth and now that it is fast approaching, I am becoming more and more terrified. I know now that Tuesday night will not bring any sleep and I wouldn't be surprised if I vomit Wednesday morning from being so nervous. I've never had a medical trauma and I've never really had to experience a great deal of pain for an extended period of time. I have no pain tolerance and I don't do well at the sight of blood. I am a very emotional person and I get stressed out easily. I wish now that I had taken Lamaze.
Just to give you a clue as to how awful I am with pain. At one of my doctor's appointments I was very nervous they were going to do a painful exam (I won't go into details) and when the nurse took my blood pressure, it was somewhat high and after I took a deep breath it went down a little. Just the thought of pain was stressing me out. When the doctor checks to see if I'm dilated and she says "A little pressure here..." I hold my breath and all I feel is pain, pain, pain. I know the majority of it is in my head, but just knowing this about myself puts me at a disadvantage and I'm going to suffer through some self fulfilling prophecies.
I plan on having the epidural (and I refuse to feel guilty about that) but I don't know when they give it to you when they induce you. Are they going to give me the injection and then give me the pain medication or vice versa? Will they make me suffer through hours of contractions so as to avoid the epidural wearing off? I don't even know the doctor who will be delivering and I don't know when the epidural will even be available to me. I know... I need to stay calm. If Braxton Hicks bring tears to my eyes how am I going to handle the real thing? This is definitely one of those situations where if I can do it, anyone can.
On another note. Today I got some cleaning done and I got a few things taken care of. I put my bag in the car and did a few loads of laundry. I still need to shampoo the carpet, change the crib sheets, vacuum my bedroom, do more laundry, clean off this computer desk, make room to open the sofa into a bed for our visitors, return some library books, put more music on my iPod, and clean the lower half of the house so it's acceptable for guests! As you can see I have a lot to do... and I'm not doing it. Oh yeah and I want to pack up any of Cambria's clothes that aren't 0-6 mos. We have so many baby clothes I just don't know what to do with them all since they won't fit in her little dresser. Everyone loves buying clothes! I should probably attempt to organize our diapers a little, too.
Tomorrow is our doctor's appointment and as far as I know they're just doing an NST. Usually if we go to OB Triage instead of Maternal Fetal Medicine then they're just doing an NST. Whenever I go to OB Triage they only allow one visitor in the room with me at a time. At Summa hospitals (where I am delivering) they seem to be very strict about who and how many they let into the delivery areas. During the laboring process I won't mind having people who are in the waiting room rotate into the delivery room to say hello. The plan as of now, though, is that as soon as they tell me to start pushing, everyone needs to be out of the room except for Cody. I just want to be able to focus and be myself and get it over with as quickly as possible. I wouldn't want all my family there cheering me on. As long as Cody keeps it together, stays calm, and focuses on helping me through it, he's all I need.
I hope Kemah is ready for a little sister! I know she has a difficult time meeting new people and she especially doesn't like kids, but hopefully it won't be a problem. I think the reason why she doesn't like kids is they all tend to run at her screaming "Keeeemaaaaah!" and it freaks her out- as it should. Children are totally unaware of how to approach a strange dog. When I walk Kemah at the park across the street from our house, there are usually kids who come at her quickly and Kemah gets defensive. I tell them to leave her alone, but some of them are brats and they insist on upsetting her. This does not help the situation of her not liking kids! Kemah is also, very much, a mama's girl. Wherever I am, she has to be there with me. If I pet another dog or give someone else attention, she doesn't like it. She watches my every move and lives for the moment I walk in the door. Of course I love her very much and I play into it because it's so sweet, but I know I've created a monster. She has taken up real estate on my lap. Cody and I are going to do our best to teach Cambria how to deal with a difficult dog and how to approach someone else's dog. My hope is that Kemah will see how much Cody and I love Cambria and Kemah will protect her like her own- the way she protects me.
Well, I just heard that dinner's ready, so I'm going to go eat! I'm going to try to minimize my stress and maybe watch a few Lamaze videos on Youtube or something to make me feel better. We can't wait to meet our little girl!
-Alicia
Just to give you a clue as to how awful I am with pain. At one of my doctor's appointments I was very nervous they were going to do a painful exam (I won't go into details) and when the nurse took my blood pressure, it was somewhat high and after I took a deep breath it went down a little. Just the thought of pain was stressing me out. When the doctor checks to see if I'm dilated and she says "A little pressure here..." I hold my breath and all I feel is pain, pain, pain. I know the majority of it is in my head, but just knowing this about myself puts me at a disadvantage and I'm going to suffer through some self fulfilling prophecies.
I plan on having the epidural (and I refuse to feel guilty about that) but I don't know when they give it to you when they induce you. Are they going to give me the injection and then give me the pain medication or vice versa? Will they make me suffer through hours of contractions so as to avoid the epidural wearing off? I don't even know the doctor who will be delivering and I don't know when the epidural will even be available to me. I know... I need to stay calm. If Braxton Hicks bring tears to my eyes how am I going to handle the real thing? This is definitely one of those situations where if I can do it, anyone can.
On another note. Today I got some cleaning done and I got a few things taken care of. I put my bag in the car and did a few loads of laundry. I still need to shampoo the carpet, change the crib sheets, vacuum my bedroom, do more laundry, clean off this computer desk, make room to open the sofa into a bed for our visitors, return some library books, put more music on my iPod, and clean the lower half of the house so it's acceptable for guests! As you can see I have a lot to do... and I'm not doing it. Oh yeah and I want to pack up any of Cambria's clothes that aren't 0-6 mos. We have so many baby clothes I just don't know what to do with them all since they won't fit in her little dresser. Everyone loves buying clothes! I should probably attempt to organize our diapers a little, too.
Tomorrow is our doctor's appointment and as far as I know they're just doing an NST. Usually if we go to OB Triage instead of Maternal Fetal Medicine then they're just doing an NST. Whenever I go to OB Triage they only allow one visitor in the room with me at a time. At Summa hospitals (where I am delivering) they seem to be very strict about who and how many they let into the delivery areas. During the laboring process I won't mind having people who are in the waiting room rotate into the delivery room to say hello. The plan as of now, though, is that as soon as they tell me to start pushing, everyone needs to be out of the room except for Cody. I just want to be able to focus and be myself and get it over with as quickly as possible. I wouldn't want all my family there cheering me on. As long as Cody keeps it together, stays calm, and focuses on helping me through it, he's all I need.
I hope Kemah is ready for a little sister! I know she has a difficult time meeting new people and she especially doesn't like kids, but hopefully it won't be a problem. I think the reason why she doesn't like kids is they all tend to run at her screaming "Keeeemaaaaah!" and it freaks her out- as it should. Children are totally unaware of how to approach a strange dog. When I walk Kemah at the park across the street from our house, there are usually kids who come at her quickly and Kemah gets defensive. I tell them to leave her alone, but some of them are brats and they insist on upsetting her. This does not help the situation of her not liking kids! Kemah is also, very much, a mama's girl. Wherever I am, she has to be there with me. If I pet another dog or give someone else attention, she doesn't like it. She watches my every move and lives for the moment I walk in the door. Of course I love her very much and I play into it because it's so sweet, but I know I've created a monster. She has taken up real estate on my lap. Cody and I are going to do our best to teach Cambria how to deal with a difficult dog and how to approach someone else's dog. My hope is that Kemah will see how much Cody and I love Cambria and Kemah will protect her like her own- the way she protects me.
Well, I just heard that dinner's ready, so I'm going to go eat! I'm going to try to minimize my stress and maybe watch a few Lamaze videos on Youtube or something to make me feel better. We can't wait to meet our little girl!
-Alicia
Friday, September 28, 2007
Every minute feels like an hour
I hope that womb's not too warm
Cause it's cold out here
And it'll be quite a shock
To breathe this air
To discover loss
So I'd like to make some changes
Before you arrive
So when your new eyes meet mine
They won't see no lies
Just love.
Just love.
-Bright Eyes
Nothing new here. I forced myself to clean up a little around the house, but all that bending made me very nauseous and my sore ribs felt like they were going to break. I still need to clean my bedroom and change the crib sheets and take out the bumper pads. I also need to put the reinforcements in the car seat. I just remembered today, too, that I still need a baby gate! I don't really need it in order to prevent Cambria from going up the stairs or anything, but to keep the other dogs from coming down and to keep Kemah from going up when I can't keep an eye on her. Unfortunately there is an extra dog in the house right now and poor Kemah has to hang out in her cage for the weekend because she can't get along with her. If I watched them they'd be OK, but I have better things to do with my time (like watch Bringing Home Baby) than babysit dogs.
I need to go to the library and do some laundry. I have a lot of new music to listen to, so I'm hoping that motivates me. Once I start cleaning up down here again I can let Kemah out of her cage and shut the door. If only I had a gate! I guess once my dad comes home he can monitor the dogs if he's not busy. Really I feel like the whole world is out to frustrate me lately.
Well, I need to go to the library and get moving. As of now (despite my pleas with the doctors) Wednesday is still going to be our induction date. I would like to mention here, politely, though, that we would prefer not to have a lot of visitors at the hospital. I know I told a few people that they were welcome at the hospital, but in order to avoid hurt feelings I'm just going to extend the invitation to immediate family (grandparents of Cambria). Also, even though we are very thrilled that everyone is so eager and excited to meet our little creation, we're going to ask that you do not stop over to the house unannounced within that first week. We promise that everyone will get to meet her and hold her and love on her, but Cody and I would like to have the opportunity to get to know her first. Thank you to everyone who has been so supportive and kind during this pregnancy and we honestly can't wait to show her off!
We love you all and we love that you are just as excited as we are to meet Cambria!
-Alicia
Cause it's cold out here
And it'll be quite a shock
To breathe this air
To discover loss
So I'd like to make some changes
Before you arrive
So when your new eyes meet mine
They won't see no lies
Just love.
Just love.
-Bright Eyes
Nothing new here. I forced myself to clean up a little around the house, but all that bending made me very nauseous and my sore ribs felt like they were going to break. I still need to clean my bedroom and change the crib sheets and take out the bumper pads. I also need to put the reinforcements in the car seat. I just remembered today, too, that I still need a baby gate! I don't really need it in order to prevent Cambria from going up the stairs or anything, but to keep the other dogs from coming down and to keep Kemah from going up when I can't keep an eye on her. Unfortunately there is an extra dog in the house right now and poor Kemah has to hang out in her cage for the weekend because she can't get along with her. If I watched them they'd be OK, but I have better things to do with my time (like watch Bringing Home Baby) than babysit dogs.
I need to go to the library and do some laundry. I have a lot of new music to listen to, so I'm hoping that motivates me. Once I start cleaning up down here again I can let Kemah out of her cage and shut the door. If only I had a gate! I guess once my dad comes home he can monitor the dogs if he's not busy. Really I feel like the whole world is out to frustrate me lately.
Well, I need to go to the library and get moving. As of now (despite my pleas with the doctors) Wednesday is still going to be our induction date. I would like to mention here, politely, though, that we would prefer not to have a lot of visitors at the hospital. I know I told a few people that they were welcome at the hospital, but in order to avoid hurt feelings I'm just going to extend the invitation to immediate family (grandparents of Cambria). Also, even though we are very thrilled that everyone is so eager and excited to meet our little creation, we're going to ask that you do not stop over to the house unannounced within that first week. We promise that everyone will get to meet her and hold her and love on her, but Cody and I would like to have the opportunity to get to know her first. Thank you to everyone who has been so supportive and kind during this pregnancy and we honestly can't wait to show her off!
We love you all and we love that you are just as excited as we are to meet Cambria!
-Alicia
Thursday, September 27, 2007
Anger, frustration, and more anger
I am losing it. I can't take it. Get this baby out of me! At this point, today, I don't ever want to have another baby again. I know I will change my mind later, but right now, I'm done with it. I feel angry, bitter, resentful, and mad at the world. Everyone is driving me nuts. The only person I can stand to be around is Cody and he's been working so much (which is a good thing) that I feel like I barely get to see him.
I can't get anything done around the house because I am completely miserable and frustrated. Just the thought of starting a load of laundry makes me feel homicidal. I don't want to do anything except eat, sleep, and cry.
Part of me is so excited to meet Cambria that I just can't wait. But the other part of me is not looking forward to it because I know it's going to be a chaotic, stressful time. We will have countless visitors and tons of phone calls to make and answer. We will be sleep deprived and miserable at first. I will be dealing with breastfeeding, recovering, caring for a new baby, and juggling visitors all at the same time. Her coming late has everyone so excited and eager to meet her that it seems like people just can't take the anticipation. Nobody knows how much I want her here and how miserable I am waiting. I will never have a quiet moment for the rest of my life. Heck, if I ever even get a moment alone with my baby within the first few months of her life it will be a miracle.
It's not cute or fun anymore. It's not tolerable or manageable. People who mean well only upset me. People who are insensitive upset me. Nobody can win. Imagine having an eight pound baby kick you in the ribs so hard it takes your breath away then you get people smiling and saying "not much longer!" You, too, would be tempted to harm someone.
I called the doctor today and they said they have no intentions of moving the induction date up at all. If I have to have a c-section because she's too big, I will be one of the most unhappy people you have ever met. I will not have another baby until I have good health insurance that will afford me a good personal doctor. Yet another reason I love my country- great health care for the underprivileged!
I love my husband, but he told me today that he didn't feel good. I wanted to scream and kick and throw a fit. Nobody is allowed to be miserable except for me. I'm reserving the right to be irrational, rude, mean, hormonal, and emotional. Everyone around me can just deal with it.
-Alicia
I can't get anything done around the house because I am completely miserable and frustrated. Just the thought of starting a load of laundry makes me feel homicidal. I don't want to do anything except eat, sleep, and cry.
Part of me is so excited to meet Cambria that I just can't wait. But the other part of me is not looking forward to it because I know it's going to be a chaotic, stressful time. We will have countless visitors and tons of phone calls to make and answer. We will be sleep deprived and miserable at first. I will be dealing with breastfeeding, recovering, caring for a new baby, and juggling visitors all at the same time. Her coming late has everyone so excited and eager to meet her that it seems like people just can't take the anticipation. Nobody knows how much I want her here and how miserable I am waiting. I will never have a quiet moment for the rest of my life. Heck, if I ever even get a moment alone with my baby within the first few months of her life it will be a miracle.
It's not cute or fun anymore. It's not tolerable or manageable. People who mean well only upset me. People who are insensitive upset me. Nobody can win. Imagine having an eight pound baby kick you in the ribs so hard it takes your breath away then you get people smiling and saying "not much longer!" You, too, would be tempted to harm someone.
I called the doctor today and they said they have no intentions of moving the induction date up at all. If I have to have a c-section because she's too big, I will be one of the most unhappy people you have ever met. I will not have another baby until I have good health insurance that will afford me a good personal doctor. Yet another reason I love my country- great health care for the underprivileged!
I love my husband, but he told me today that he didn't feel good. I wanted to scream and kick and throw a fit. Nobody is allowed to be miserable except for me. I'm reserving the right to be irrational, rude, mean, hormonal, and emotional. Everyone around me can just deal with it.
-Alicia
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Come out, come out, wherever you are!
OK. So it's Wednesday and Sunday was our due date. We had three doctor's appointments today and here's what's going on!
The morning began at 8:15 AM. I signed in at the doctor and made a joke to the receptionist/nurse that I was just going to move in. They weighed me in at 158.8 lbs. and asked if there had been any symptoms or "progress". I told the nurse that there was nothing new and she sent in the doctor. The doctor examined me and said there was no progress and I was still at one centimeter (you have to be at 10 to deliver). She said that they won't let me go past 42 weeks, checked the heart rate, and sent me back to the waiting room while she prepared my next appointment time. After a few minutes she called me back and explained how things usually work at this point. She decided that we should come back on Sunday morning for another NST. She said normally they would give you three more NSTs before they induce, but there was no point in waiting that long for me. Cody politely told her that she could induce today if she wasn't too busy :-p So she said I will do my NST on Sunday then normally they would do another one on the Wednesday after that, but she had gone ahead and scheduled me to be induced that morning. She seemed to think that since there wasn't much progress from week to week that things won't get moving until then, so that will probably be her birthday.
After that appointment we waited around Akron until our appointment with the Maternal Fetal Medicine dept. for an NST and AFI. Our NST went smoothly and they sent us in for an AFI which is an ultrasound where they check the amniotic fluids in the sac to make sure Cambria's completely nourished and protected. During this they also checked for the size of the baby. Cambria was in position just as she needed to be and her feet were in my right ribs. We could see her face and she was very active throwing her arms in front of her face like she usually does. Every ultrasound we have she has her arms in front of her face. Even with the 2-D ultrasound we could tell that she has chubby cheeks! The nurse also said she had a chubby arm haha. The measurements of her abdomen, head, spine, arms, legs, and internal organs looked good. After all those measurements the nurse checked for Cambria's weight. She was shocked to tell us that Cambria was weighing in at 8 lbs. 8 oz. already! I was so shocked and a little terrified when she told me that! The nurse pleased us with another 3D ultrasound too! Cambria was more cooperative this time with the 3D. We could see her very clearly and the nurse commented numerous times on how "beautiful" and "gorgeous" she looks in there. Here are those pictures (some of them aren't very good quality, but I do what I can):
Last night I had a bit of a mental breakdown and Cody was there to talk me back to sanity. Going past your due date is truly hellish and I cannot even express the frustration it causes. She may not be stressed, but I certainly am. My ribs are constantly sore and I can't sleep for more than a couple hours at a time because she is always pushing so hard on my bladder. I talk to her all the time and beg her to come out and I've even prayed to God that He would end this agony, but I remind myself that I do not know what's best for me and I'm trusting that God is working through the doctors and I'm trusting them. Being on maternity leave is also killing me because I'm sitting around with nothing to do all day! There's a lot of cleaning I could be doing, but bending over is impossible, not to mention staying energized long enough to get things done. Our house is a mess and I have to get motivated to clean it this week!
My car is fixed for the most part, but the windshield wipers aren't working now! As I've said before: if it isn't one thing, it's another. Cody put my new stereo in my car and I love it, but I can't even enjoy it because it's been raining since I got my car back and the wipers just will not turn on. I paid to have my car fixed and now it's still just sitting there. I don't know what to do next! We even got the car seat put in place and everything.
Well, I will keep everyone updated and I ask that you keep us all in your prayers on Wednesday. Naturally, I'm very nervous about everything, but of course I'm very excited to meet her. Thanks, everyone, for all your love and support and I hope to be introducing you to our little girl very soon!
-Alicia
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Let the real waiting begin
Welcome to our due date! Today we've been to church, Fashion Bug, and we've taken some photos (which I will post later). Otherwise, there's no unusual activity. Part of me feels happy because I know for a fact now that it won't be much longer. The other half of me feels depressed that I haven't yet met my little girl. Then... if there were another half of me... which is impossible... but if there were... I'd be extremely terrified of giving birth. I try to ignore it.
Anyway, just wanted to update and let everyone know there's nothing yet.
-Alicia
Anyway, just wanted to update and let everyone know there's nothing yet.
-Alicia
Friday, September 21, 2007
Another Day...
Today is Friday and Sunday is our due date. Last night I was complaining that women who go into labor early don't know what true pregnancy is because they didn't have to suffer through the anticipation as long. I know that's not true, but I certainly do envy people whose babies are ready to come out early. I definitely don't envy women with premature babies as that can be very dangerous and scary, but after 37 weeks you're golden.
I forced myself to have a short burst of energy and I got my bag packed today. There are a few things I could add, but they aren't necessary, so if it gets added in that's fine, but if not, that's OK, too. My room is still quite messy, but that short burst of energy didn't last long enough to get that done. Besides, I think I've got at least another week before Cambria decides to show up. I hope I'm wrong about that, but I really believe it will still be awhile.
Everyone tells me I look like I'm "about to pop" (which I hate hearing) but I don't think I look that big. I haven't gained a lot of weight during this pregnancy really. As of now I have only gained 31 pounds since the pregnancy began. The last two weeks I haven't gained any weight and I've basically plateaued at 31 pounds. The nurse at my last appointment said I've got a nice little table right now. I'm "all baby" as they say.
Our neighbor noticed that my car has been sitting across the street for awhile and he offered to fix it for me. He said he wouldn't charge us a lot and he would start on it tomorrow. I really hope it gets done before Cambria comes- it would be so exciting! I would like to go ahead and put my bag in the trunk and lock in the car seat in the backseat so we'd really be all ready to go. I don't have the most reliable car, but it would be nice to bring her home in my car instead of using my parent's car if for no other reason than it would seem symbolic of starting a new independent chapter of my life (even though my dad bought me the car haha). I'm not going to count on it being done in time, but it would be nice.
So tomorrow's another day that I'm sure will come and go with no Cambria. She still hasn't dropped completely. Last night I had a few intense contractions, but after I walked around for a few minutes they went away. If contractions feel like pressure on your bladder then I seem to have a lot of them, but I just don't know what they should feel like honestly. I just assume that any intense abdominal pain is a contraction.
Tonight I'm going to a Tastefully Simple party which means I'll get to taste lots of free yummy food and that's always a good time.
There's still a little more cleaning that needs to be done before she arrives, but otherwise, we are ready to meet her. She's kicking now!
-Alicia
I forced myself to have a short burst of energy and I got my bag packed today. There are a few things I could add, but they aren't necessary, so if it gets added in that's fine, but if not, that's OK, too. My room is still quite messy, but that short burst of energy didn't last long enough to get that done. Besides, I think I've got at least another week before Cambria decides to show up. I hope I'm wrong about that, but I really believe it will still be awhile.
Everyone tells me I look like I'm "about to pop" (which I hate hearing) but I don't think I look that big. I haven't gained a lot of weight during this pregnancy really. As of now I have only gained 31 pounds since the pregnancy began. The last two weeks I haven't gained any weight and I've basically plateaued at 31 pounds. The nurse at my last appointment said I've got a nice little table right now. I'm "all baby" as they say.
Our neighbor noticed that my car has been sitting across the street for awhile and he offered to fix it for me. He said he wouldn't charge us a lot and he would start on it tomorrow. I really hope it gets done before Cambria comes- it would be so exciting! I would like to go ahead and put my bag in the trunk and lock in the car seat in the backseat so we'd really be all ready to go. I don't have the most reliable car, but it would be nice to bring her home in my car instead of using my parent's car if for no other reason than it would seem symbolic of starting a new independent chapter of my life (even though my dad bought me the car haha). I'm not going to count on it being done in time, but it would be nice.
So tomorrow's another day that I'm sure will come and go with no Cambria. She still hasn't dropped completely. Last night I had a few intense contractions, but after I walked around for a few minutes they went away. If contractions feel like pressure on your bladder then I seem to have a lot of them, but I just don't know what they should feel like honestly. I just assume that any intense abdominal pain is a contraction.
Tonight I'm going to a Tastefully Simple party which means I'll get to taste lots of free yummy food and that's always a good time.
There's still a little more cleaning that needs to be done before she arrives, but otherwise, we are ready to meet her. She's kicking now!
-Alicia
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