I was just discussing the laboring process with my mother and it made me more nervous than ever before. She didn't say anything I didn't already know and she wasn't trying to scare me, it's just really sinking in now that it's going to be happening very soon. Last night I was laying in bed and I began to experience some pretty intense contractions. I almost woke Cody up, but I waited for them to let up. While I was in pain I felt a sudden moment of panic and I almost prayed to God that it wasn't time to go into labor. I have always been deathly afraid of giving birth and now that it is fast approaching, I am becoming more and more terrified. I know now that Tuesday night will not bring any sleep and I wouldn't be surprised if I vomit Wednesday morning from being so nervous. I've never had a medical trauma and I've never really had to experience a great deal of pain for an extended period of time. I have no pain tolerance and I don't do well at the sight of blood. I am a very emotional person and I get stressed out easily. I wish now that I had taken Lamaze.
Just to give you a clue as to how awful I am with pain. At one of my doctor's appointments I was very nervous they were going to do a painful exam (I won't go into details) and when the nurse took my blood pressure, it was somewhat high and after I took a deep breath it went down a little. Just the thought of pain was stressing me out. When the doctor checks to see if I'm dilated and she says "A little pressure here..." I hold my breath and all I feel is pain, pain, pain. I know the majority of it is in my head, but just knowing this about myself puts me at a disadvantage and I'm going to suffer through some self fulfilling prophecies.
I plan on having the epidural (and I refuse to feel guilty about that) but I don't know when they give it to you when they induce you. Are they going to give me the injection and then give me the pain medication or vice versa? Will they make me suffer through hours of contractions so as to avoid the epidural wearing off? I don't even know the doctor who will be delivering and I don't know when the epidural will even be available to me. I know... I need to stay calm. If Braxton Hicks bring tears to my eyes how am I going to handle the real thing? This is definitely one of those situations where if I can do it, anyone can.
On another note. Today I got some cleaning done and I got a few things taken care of. I put my bag in the car and did a few loads of laundry. I still need to shampoo the carpet, change the crib sheets, vacuum my bedroom, do more laundry, clean off this computer desk, make room to open the sofa into a bed for our visitors, return some library books, put more music on my iPod, and clean the lower half of the house so it's acceptable for guests! As you can see I have a lot to do... and I'm not doing it. Oh yeah and I want to pack up any of Cambria's clothes that aren't 0-6 mos. We have so many baby clothes I just don't know what to do with them all since they won't fit in her little dresser. Everyone loves buying clothes! I should probably attempt to organize our diapers a little, too.
Tomorrow is our doctor's appointment and as far as I know they're just doing an NST. Usually if we go to OB Triage instead of Maternal Fetal Medicine then they're just doing an NST. Whenever I go to OB Triage they only allow one visitor in the room with me at a time. At Summa hospitals (where I am delivering) they seem to be very strict about who and how many they let into the delivery areas. During the laboring process I won't mind having people who are in the waiting room rotate into the delivery room to say hello. The plan as of now, though, is that as soon as they tell me to start pushing, everyone needs to be out of the room except for Cody. I just want to be able to focus and be myself and get it over with as quickly as possible. I wouldn't want all my family there cheering me on. As long as Cody keeps it together, stays calm, and focuses on helping me through it, he's all I need.
I hope Kemah is ready for a little sister! I know she has a difficult time meeting new people and she especially doesn't like kids, but hopefully it won't be a problem. I think the reason why she doesn't like kids is they all tend to run at her screaming "Keeeemaaaaah!" and it freaks her out- as it should. Children are totally unaware of how to approach a strange dog. When I walk Kemah at the park across the street from our house, there are usually kids who come at her quickly and Kemah gets defensive. I tell them to leave her alone, but some of them are brats and they insist on upsetting her. This does not help the situation of her not liking kids! Kemah is also, very much, a mama's girl. Wherever I am, she has to be there with me. If I pet another dog or give someone else attention, she doesn't like it. She watches my every move and lives for the moment I walk in the door. Of course I love her very much and I play into it because it's so sweet, but I know I've created a monster. She has taken up real estate on my lap. Cody and I are going to do our best to teach Cambria how to deal with a difficult dog and how to approach someone else's dog. My hope is that Kemah will see how much Cody and I love Cambria and Kemah will protect her like her own- the way she protects me.
Well, I just heard that dinner's ready, so I'm going to go eat! I'm going to try to minimize my stress and maybe watch a few Lamaze videos on Youtube or something to make me feel better. We can't wait to meet our little girl!