Cody said I should be more reserved about telling people that I have hemorrhoids, but hey, it's part of pregnancy and if I have to suffer through the agonizing pain, you can deal with reading about it. This blog is intended to document all the ups and downs of my pregnancy, and this is definitely the lowest I've been. The pain is honestly unbearable. I have tried everything: bathing in baking soda, preparation H, preparation H with cortisone, ice packs, tylenol, witch hazel... I've done it all. In the beginning the baths with baking soda helped, but now they don't. Last night I sat in the bathtub crying and begging God to stop the pain. I can't even describe to you how bad it hurts.
I went to my doctor and she examined them and she said they were very "inflamed" and she referred me to a specialist. However, that specialist is so busy that he can't fit me in until September 6th- what's the point?! I have tried all her suggested treatments and nothing is working at all. I need some serious help. The pain is exhausting. Everytime I sneeze, cough, laugh, sit, stand, shower, drive, walk... it shoots excrutiating pain through my body and it takes my breath away. I can't work like this- I don't know how I could possibly complete a full shift on my feet with this awful pain.
My family has been here trying to get ready for the baby shower and I had a breakdown when my mom asked me to start helping. I laid in bed and cried and cried to Cody about how awful the pain was and just the idea of bending over to pick things up off the floor was terrifying to me. I limp around the house pitifully and I try to laugh it off. I am so appreciative of all the help that my sister, my mom, and Lydia have been as they get the house ready for this baby shower. It has been a lot of work cleaning the house and I'm sure they've been slightly irritated with my lack of help. I don't blame them. If you've never had one of these then it's difficult for you to sympathize. For some reason people think that these things are funny. Nobody here is laughing at my expense or anything, but I still feel like some people don't take it seriously. They don't want to hear about it because it's awkward.
I have been taking sleeping pills the last couple of nights because the pain is so bad that it keeps me awake if I don't take something. I take a bath in baking soda, take two tylenol, try a cream or witch hazel, drink water, take a sleeping pill and try to suck it up. This is the longest lasting one that I've ever had. The doctor said she would call me on monday to see if it's cleared up. I'm sure it will only have gotten worse by that time. I guess that isn't a lot of faith. I really have been praying very hard for God to at least get me through the pain. I'm so tired of hurting. Pain is exhausting.
I probably just annoyed you with all this whinning, but if you only knew... I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. Despite all of this, I know that Cambria is worth every ache and pain and that it won't last forever. After all the pain is gone I will still have a beautiful little girl to spend the rest of my life with. I'm trying to stay optimistic, but it's difficult. At least today at my baby shower I get lots of yummy food and nice gifts! I'm excited and very grateful for all the work everyone's done as I sit and suffer.
Sidenote: Elisha, thanks for the sweet comment on the last post- I appreciate your prayers and support and I hope you enjoy this blog :-)