We are all doing all right. Cambria is growing like crazy. I will post pictures later. I am not feeling well. I might be getting the flu. :-(

I hate you, blogger! Technical difficulties.

Graco Swing

Cambria has fallen asleep in her swing. I'm so surprised that she's even sleeping at all since she slept through the night last night. I really don't like this swing though. We got it for free at our parenting classes in Akron and it has a self timer so it goes off whenever it pleases. So I have to sit here and keep restarting it. I don't know why it does this or how to stop it from doing that. I tried to post a video last night but it was taking so long to load. I'll have to try again later.

Have a Holly, Jolly Christmas

Cambria fussed for about two hours just now and I was losing my mind. I breastfed her and she fought me the whole time so I finally just gave her breastmilk in a bottle and she gobbled it up. After that, she spit up at least 75% of it and began fussing again. I bounced her, sang to her, rocked her, changed her diaper, and she just fussed away. Finally, she drifted to sleep on my shoulder and when I repositioned her into a cradle hold, she woke up and started crying. In my frustration, I laid her on the couch and walked away. Within moments after laying her on the couch, she was asleep! Quite opposite from what we usually do- she cries until I pick her up. Now she cried until I put her down.

Christmas is upon us! There are so many things I want to get Cambria, but I keep telling myself that she won't know the difference between one gift and two hundred gifts so I shouldn't stress. I have, however, discovered that Children's Place is a great store! I always assumed they were expensive because they were in the mall, but I was really impressed with their prices. I went in for their after Thanksgiving sales (I was working at the mall anyway) and I got two sleepers, a hat, and a fleece outfit for Christmas. At that moment I realized how much I love Christmas shopping for my baby girl!

Among other gifts Cody and I have bought for her, we purchased a water resistant photo album that holds six photos. We plan on putting pictures of Cody's family in it so that she can familiarize herself with their faces right away. She loves looking at faces and expressions, so I think this will be great for her. I could easily go nuts with Christmas shopping.

Some things I really want to get her for Christmas include long sleeve onesies, clothes, books, a bumbo (I know they were recalled), extra bottle nipples, a big box of size 2 diapers, and some toys. I know my mom and Cody's mom will also be getting her gifts, so I'm not worried about quantity, I just want to be able to feel like her parents bought her things she will enjoy in the future.

She has recently noticed the TV and she is entranced with it. This frightens me a little, but it is kind of helpful in calming her down sometimes. The other morning she watched Sesame Street with my mom and she was smiling and cooing at Elmo. Not to mention, I was laughing hysterically at Alicia Keys dancing and singing in slow motion with Elmo. I am going to plop her down with Baby Einstein ASAP!

Thanksgiving was fun and it was great to see Cody's family again. Cambria enjoyed the company and the food was fabulous :-) Speaking of food... I'm hungry. I will post pictures later.

-Alicia

The fits continue... my depression looms over me

Some times I don't think I have a choice. If I don't lay her down and separate myself from her for a moment during a huge fit, I might lose my mind. I can't let her cry for longer than a few minutes at a time, but there are times when I just can't handle it. You cannot understand the weight of a screaming baby unless you've experienced it. Add in a ton of exhaustion, a dash of postpartum depression, a dollop of irritation with those who are trying to help and you have a whole new experience on your hands. I am not trying to say that people aren't understanding, I'm just saying that I know I never truly understood the frustration until I experienced it with my own child. Then, to make things worse, I usually feel like the fit is my fault because she has a tummy ache from something I ate or how I fed her.

Something I have learned as a mother is that I will never, ever sleep the way I used to again. Not as deep, not as long, and not as peacefully. Every move she makes, I'm awake with concern. If she's throwing a fit and someone else has her, I cannot just lay there and will myself back to sleep. Winding down after a long day of caring for her seems impossible and I lay there stressing about when the next fit will be. Most times going to sleep seems pointless because I know it will only be a matter of time before I'm up again.

Breastfeeding is going well for now. We've both become so comfortable with it that I often fall asleep while she's eating and eventually she does, too. Even if she has an occasional bad latch, the pain isn't too unbearable and it can be easily fixed. I will say that in the beginning I wanted nothing more than to quit, but now that we stuck with it, I'm happy. We supplement with formula when I can't find the time to pump, but for the most part it's all breast milk. My only frustrations now are the stomach aches I seem to give her and how often she spits up when she has breast milk. Needless to say her screaming can be very discouraging. But the cost of formula is very encouraging!

I lost quite a bit of weight when she was first born. Now I have plateaued and my weight won't go down. I still can't fit into my favorite pre- pregnancy jeans and I'm beginning to think that my body shape has just changed so much that I might not be able to fit into them again. Mostly I just avoid looking in the mirror and I suck it in as much as I can throughout the day. *sigh*

Thanksgiving is coming and Cody's family is coming in from Texas. We're excited to see them all and I'm excited to not have to work and not have to worry about being called in! Enjoy your holidays, everyone!

-Alicia

Cry it out?

I need opinions! Do you let a newborn cry it out? There are times when Cambria has been fed, swaddled, kissed, bounced, held, and given her acid reflux medicine and she still screams and screams. Do I lay her down and let her cry or is she still too young for that? They say you can't spoil a baby, but can I enable her to not learn how to self- soothe? I think self- soothing is an important skill to learn for the future, but is it too soon? She doesn't even have a concept of what she's doing or that she's driving us nuts. And how long do you let her cry? Cry it out or not?

Cousins!

Xander & Cambria.

Look at that hair!: