Third Trimester

Well, here goes nothing! We're in the third trimester now and it's all uphill from here. I've been nervous about the third trimester, but I am getting so eager to meet Cambria! She's so active and I love her so much I can't wait to see those little legs pumping right in front of my eyes. She is definitely worth it all.

Recently I've been dealing with Sciatica which means my uterus is putting pressure on a nerve in my back that is located directly above my right leg/right butt cheek. Sometimes it becomes such a sharp pinch that I can't walk and it takes my breath away. I've found that taking two tylenol and sitting in a hot bath for 30 minutes usually un- pinches for the better part of the day. However, by the time evening falls, it's pinched again. Somedays it can be really bad and it brings tears to my eyes. In the morning when I roll over from my left side to my right side my eyes shoot open in shock as the nerve pinches abruptly. Lying on my right side is nearly impossible now. It can really put me in a bad mood some mornings.

Cambria seems to have developed a sleep schedule for now. She's usually pretty still all day and then in the evening (around 8- 9 pm) she starts moving around. Cody and I will lie down between 10 and midnight and we will read Dr. Seuss to her and I will hum a hymn to her and by the time I drift off to sleep, she's still. My dad wakes up around 5- 5:30 AM and walks the dogs. For the last week, she's been waking me up right around that time as my dad is walking out the door with the dogs. It's either a coincidence or something she's learned, but she wakes me up by kicking me in the bladder and I absolutely have to get up and rush to the bathroom. I've become so good at walking up the stairs in my sleep that I basically don't even open my eyes and sometimes I can't remember it when I wake up later. I told my dad that she must really want to spend time with him because she wakes up with him. After I lay down, she kicks around for awhile, but I feel so relieved from emptying my bladder that I barely notice it as I fall back asleep. The only frustrating thing is if that nerve is pinched at that hour, I can't really do much but limp to the bathroom. I should just sleep on the toilet.

I'm sure many of you don't care to know this, but the constipation has eased up a lot. I've been taking vitamins with a built- in stool softener and it has helped so very much. I will never buy prenatal vitamins at Wal*Mart again! I still don't go as often as I used to, but when I do get the excitement of going (yes, it's exciting) it doesn't hurt. Thank God!

Heartburn is worse and so are my emotions. I read that you're supposed to be less emotional in the third trimester, but I feel more emotional than ever. On the way to work today I was listening to a song on the radio and I teared up. Sometimes when I look at the crib I get tears in my eyes. But I don't really feel sad, just... so much emotion that it comes out in tears. I was talking about raising her properly at dinner and I felt like I was going to cry. Nothing emotional was even being said. I haven't really been weepy during this pregnancy, so it's weird to me now. Maybe it's just the heat and the exhaustion getting to me. I am tired again. The first trimester was exhausting and I'm starting to feel that again now.

Anyway... tomorrow is another day of parenting classes. I think I'm the furthest along in my class. I'm tired! I'm going to eat something salty. Mmmmmm.
-Alicia
PS- I don't know when the baby shower is anymore because dates for things have changed. Nothing is for sure anymore.

Big kicker! Maternity clothes and buying stuff!

Tonight Cambria kicked so hard that I saw my stomach jump! I've felt her a lot and I've felt her kick against my hand, but I've never seen anything like that in my life! A specific spot on the right side of my stomach popped out really quick. Almost like she threw an elbow or pushed her foot out. She's been really active this evening. Actually, she's been so active lately that if she's still for more than 20- 30 minutes at a time, I start to worry!

Cody noticed that my maternity pants were ripping today. I've been wearing Old Navy low rise maternity jeans because I find them the most comfortable, but because they're low rise, I have to keep tugging on them to keep them up. So in the process of obliviously yanking on them all day I managed to rip a hole in the cotton band. So I sewed the little hole and had my mom pick me up one of those bella band things to keep my pants up! I seriously wear those pants everyday, they're my favorites.

Today we got a used carseat for $25! We bought it from a lady here in Rittman who'd had triplets and was ready to get rid of two of the carseats. They were black Eddie Bauer carseats and they were in almost perfect condition because her babies were "homebound" for 7 months. So Ryan and Lydia bought one and Cody and I bought the other one. Everyone says I need to stop buying stuff, but I don't care, it makes me feel better.

Speaking of buying stuff, my mom and I are going to community yard sales in Sterling tomorrow and my only real goal is to maybe find some more Dr. Seuss books. A stroller would be nice, but I'm not really worried about it with the shower coming up next month. Since we read to Cambria every night now, we're needing to expand our library. We will continue to definitely read the same books over and over, though, so that she becomes familiar with it and it will be comforting to her in this cold, cold world.

I just got on here to say that she kicked hard today and it turned into a few paragraphs! I just really don't want to forget anything in this blog so that Cambria can read it someday and know what an awesome experience it's been becoming her mommy! Not to mention I love sharing all of this with all of you!
-Alicia

Nighttime ritual, Otis Alexander, and a few neccessities

Hmm, nobody comments anymore, so I hope the site is working and everything. Also, a side note: The RSS link does work. Let me know if you have problems with it.

There's nothing new going on really. I've gained about 13 pounds total so far. I'm coming to terms with my pregnant body and I can tolerate my reflection now.

Oh, the baby shower date has been changed (without my consent) and I think it's the 20th now and it's in Delaware, OH. I don't know... it's not my baby shower anymore, it's everyone else's. But that's another issue.

Work is fine. I want to quit, but that's not an option. Cody's on the job hunt and we're hoping he can find something soon. I don't want to be a stay-at-home mom or anything, but I would like to comfortably take my six weeks of maternity leave.

Last night Cody read Green Eggs and Ham by Dr. Seuss to Cambria. He claims that she asked him to read it again after the first time, so he read through it again. After that, he read Oh, The Places You'll Go by Dr. Seuss and she seemed to like the beginning of that one because she was kicking around. Then, to put her to sleep, I sang my favorite hymn, "Farther Along" and I read the first chapter of Before You Leap: A Frog's Eye View of Life's Greatest Lessons. In class we learned that it's good to go ahead and start a nighttime ritual with a song and other soothing things so that when she arrives, it will be familiar and comforting to her. Cody's been downloading some classical music that we'll be playing for her and we talk to her all the time. As soon as she comes out of the womb, she will know mine and Cody's voice better than anyone else's, so I want her to have fond memories of those voices. I do a lot of baby talking to our dog, Kemah, so maybe Cambria will get excited to hear that haha.

Last night, Veronica and I were laying in my bed talking and she gave me all the knowledge she had about babies. She also offered to give me some of her baby doll clothes for Cambria. She also mentioned that she wishes she could pull on her hair and it would grow then if she would push on it, she wishes it would go back in. I laughed and agreed that it would be nice to control the length of your hair that way. She asked if she was allowed to hold Cambria when she gets here and I said she could. Veronica is very excited to meet this little girl.

Oh, yeah. Lydia's having a boy! So every one's excited to have a little girl and a little boy. My dad is especially happy to be getting a grandson. His name will be Otis Alexander and he will be called "Xander". My dad's mom is really happy that they're naming him after my grandpa who recently passed away. This will be my parent's first grandson! Now Lydia can go nuts buying little boy clothes.

Since we've gotten a lot of great items lately, there are only a few big things left that we need. I tried to clean up our baby registry and took off everything that we didn't absolutely NEED. The major things that we still need are: a car seat, a stroller, a breast pump, crib bedding (bumpers especially), a crib nightlight, a snowsuit in 3-6 or 6- 9 months, a baby bathtub, and a few other odds and ends. I'm trying not to get these things before my baby shower so that other people will have things to buy for us, but I start to feel a little anxiety over not having them RIGHT NOW, so I end up buying them. Yesterday we got a play mat and a bottle warmer. Slowly but surely, it's all coming together. Now if only I could afford to pay my doctor's bills!

Now I have to go to work for 4 hours and try to make a little more money. I will let everyone know more about the shower date when I get more details (since I don't make the decisions). Stay cool and I'll keep you posted!
-Alicia

Living at home

I've been plagued with worries about living at home with Cambria lately. I would give almost anything to be able to take my new baby home to my own place. I know I will need my mother's help and I will appreciate all the help I can get, but I'm afraid that I won't feel like she's mine. I'll bring her home and everyone will know her sleep schedule, her personality traits, and everything about her just as quickly as I do. Don't get me wrong, I love my parents so much and I am so grateful for everything they do for me/us.

My sister raised Veronica living at home with my parents and my mom became "mom- mom" to Veronica. I love my mother, but I don't want her to be a second mom to my baby. I want to know her sleep schedule, her favorite foods, her likes and dislikes, and I want to be the first to know them. I know it takes a village to raise a child, but... I'd like to, at least, be the mayor of that village. I'm just afraid that she will never feel like she belongs to me as long as I have my parents to lean on and use.

Grandparents are for spoiling and playing, not living with and disciplining. If I say that I don't want Cambria to have any candy that day (for example), I don't want her to live with people who can turn around and give it to her because they're the "grandparents" and that's what grandparents do. I'm not saying that I think my parents would go behind my back or challenge my disciplining methods or anything, but they will be apt to spoil their grand kids, as they should. I don't want to feel like every move I make is being judged and shared with the rest of the family (aunts and uncles). If I choose to put Cambria in "time out" for five minutes and my parents think it's a little harsh, I don't really want to hear it. Maybe I'm sounding mean, but I'm really worried about it.

Even as a newborn baby, I will want to spend alone- time with my own little family as much as possible without distractions. But I know the effect a cute baby can have and it will be impossible for our family members to give us privacy I fear. Some people don't mind sharing their children with other people, but I do. All I've ever wanted in life is to have my own family and now that I am having one, I want it to be my own and not anyone else's.

I know I'm being paranoid and a little stuck- up, but it's just something that's been on my mind lately. When the time comes, I know I'll be so grateful to have my parents there to watch Cambria while I take a quick nap or a shower. I will love Cambria so much and adore every little thing that she does and I know I'll want to share that with everyone else, but right now I feel trapped by our situation and I feel like we're going to be stuck here forever. I'm thinking that she'll be turning three and I'll still be living with my parent's in Rittman. God, no, please.

I want my parents to have the experience of being grandparents with Cambria. With Veronica, they never really had that. With Ryan and Lydia's baby, they'll be able to be grandparents and s/he won't be living with them. But Cambria will be here, living with them.

There are so many things I want for my child/ren and some times I feel like it's unattainable. I had a very poor childhood and I was well aware of it. I don't want my child/ren to feel the pressures of poverty. The least I could do is offer her a bedroom of her own and I can't even do that. I want to be her number one, one and only mommy.

Just to reiterate and clarify, I don't fear that my parents are going to behave like "second parents" to Cambria and I don't feel like they wouldn't give us privacy. I don't have anything against my parents and I am very grateful for everything they are doing for us. I think these are natural worries/feelings and I don't think they would disagree with me. I love them very much and I wish I could give them the opportunity to be grandparents who spoil and not grandparents who co-raise. I just want my own life with my own family and the idea of that not happening for awhile just makes me want to give up right now. But... I don't have that option anymore. I wish I could provide more for her.

-Alicia

Yard Sailing (sic)

Cody, Lydia (my brother's wife), and I went to the "Seville Yard Sales" Friday and it was a great success. I went on a mission to find a playpen/bassinet and after hours of hunting and shopping, I found one buried under a blanket in a wagon in the back of their yard. We examined the playpen and it said "bassinet" on it, so we bought it for $20. When I got it home, I opened it up and was so pleased to discover that it has pink, purple, and turquoise dinosaurs all over it! However, the bassinet feature wasn't working or we're missing a few pieces, so I was disappointed with that. But dinosaurs for my little girl! How exciting!

We also got an exersaucer, a blanket, a Dr. Seuss book, and a "dirt buster" type vacuum cleaner so we don't have to lug out the heavy duty vacuum when we need to get some little pieces up off the floor. There were so many great baby items at the yard sales and I wanted to look through it all (and buy it all) but I couldn't... and I didn't. There were plenty of cute clothes, but I'm trying to hold back on clothes. We were looking for a 3- 6 month or 3- 9 month snowsuit, but we could only find 0-3 or 6-9. We might just have to wait until the season is directly upon us to find a decent one in the exact size we need it.

My goal has been to get through this pregnancy without puking. However, my heartburn has become so bad I don't know if I can make it. I get heartburn from drinking water, taking my vitamins, eating a Popsicle, and anything else that goes into or near my mouth. I'm back to feeling nauseous in the mornings and that is not fun. I thought I was over that after the first trimester, but I guess it's here for a little visit as we make our way into the third trimester.

Well, it's off to church we go! Today is Cody's first Father's Day :-) I woke him up and said, "You're going to be a daddy... in case you didn't know, I thought I should go ahead and tell you." He just smiled and nodded his head. He's going to be a great daddy. I just know it.

-Alicia

Heartburn

I don't feel good today and I don't want to go work 7.5 hours in retail. The money is the only thing keeping me at my job. However, I'm trying to get a babysitting job on the side so I can make some money instead of sitting around the house on my days off (which are more days than I work). Nobody's going to hire me anywhere else, so I figure babysitting is my best bet. I'm due in September, so I can work through the summer.

I had my glucose screening test yesterday and after I drank the glucose, I had awful heartburn and stomach aches all day. I even got dizzy once and had to eat because I felt so faint. The heat is getting to me and stomach aches all day long don't help. The box of Tums says not to exceed 10 in one day, so I took 8 yesterday and called it quits. The heartburn can be really unbelieveable at times.

I'm going to ask my boss if I can take a lot of little breaks today because I really don't think I can be on my feet for that long. I should've gotten a doctor's excuse. Oh, well.

-Alicia

Week 25, Baby Gear, and Second Baby Shower!

Nothing much going on. Just keeping everyone updated. Our next doctor's appointment is the fifteenth. We're not having an ultrasound or anything, so it's just standard.

We are in week 25 now. I'm not sure how big she is and I don't know how much weight I've gained. I feel huge, though. After Cambria has graced us with her presence, I'm going to be on a weight loss mission. I don't like being this big and I'm only going to get bigger.

Cambria's dresser is full of clothes now. Because of this wonderful resource, Emma's Closet, we have been able to get more than enough clothing items for her. We have clothes that range from 0 mos. all the way to 12 mos. We have dresses, shoes, sleepers, creepers, nightgowns, onesies, and so on and so forth. We have been blessed to find Emma's Closet and my family has been buying blankets/clothes/baby gear throughout the months too. Cambria's crib is all set up with crib sheet(s), the mattress, a diaper organizer (overflowing with diapers and diapering needs), a sleep positioner, and blankets. One half of my bedroom has been converted into a nursery including a diaper genie, a wipe warmer, and many other baby items. As I lay in bed at night, I get to stare at the empty crib and imagine what it's going to be like when she's in there. I still need to get bumper pads and dust ruffles for the crib.

Speaking of all this baby gear... we're having a second baby shower on July 14th. I know a lot of you already went to the Canton one, so of course you don't have to come to this one, but if you didn't make it to Canton, I would love to see you on the 14th! As far as we know, it will be held here at our house or (if for some reason we can't) at my parent's church here in Rittman. I don't have a time for the shower yet, but getting the date was hassel enough. I will update my registry soon, but we are registered at Target and Babies 'R Us. Our nursery theme is still frogs/Kermit. If you can find Kermit items, you get major bonus points. At any rate, if you want to come to the July 14th shower, give me your address so we can send you an invitation ASAP. You can email me at putmeonstage@gmail.com. I will post all the information on this website when we figure out an exact location and time. There won't be any RSVP'ing so if you just want to show up without an invitation, be my guest! I love all the support that comes from having a shower. The more the merrier!

Cody's leaving for a visit to Texas soon and I hope to get a lot of stuff done on the downstairs portion of our house (where we live). I will miss him, but he knows the rules of visiting Texas, so I'm not worried. I'm sure Cambria will miss him cuddling her to sleep at night after I've drifted off. We'll survive though.

My feet are swelling, so I need to go put them up and cool off! I hope to be seeing some of you very soon!
-Alicia

I want to be her mommy

It's 3 in the morning and I can't sleep. I have bad heartburn and my sleep aid isn't helping any. I'm out of Tums. Cody is fast asleep and I can't crochet anymore tonight. So here I am.

Cambria is doing well, as far as I know. The 15th is our next doctor's appointment and I'll be taking the test to be sure that my body can handle sugar. She moves around a lot and Cody has been holding her as he falls asleep at night. He says that after I fall asleep and he's holding her (my belly), it feels like there's a party going on in there. If I'm sleeping, she's partying.

Veronica has been here since yesterday and she's been poking my belly and trying to feel Cambria kick. Today, in the car, she put her hand on my stomach and said, "I can feel her foot." I laughed and told her she probably could. She also informed me that if I listen to headphones (on my ears) that Cambria could hear it, too. I explained that Cambria has her own ears and could hear everything Veronica was saying and if I put headphones up to my stomach, Cambria could hear it. She thought that was rather fascinating. Veronica's friend, Paige (6 years old), was in the car with us and as we were all sitting there silently, Paige looked over at me and said, "Your baby's just in there enjoying the ride." I laughed and agreed- she's just enjoying the ride.

I'm getting eager to meet Cambria. I want to know what kind of hair she's going to have and what her giggles and her cries sound like. I want to know if she likes cheese. I want to watch her sleep. I want to watch her roll over onto her stomach for the first time. I want to see Cody rock her to sleep. I want to know what she smells like. I want to tell her I love her. That's all I want. It's not too much to ask for.

-Alicia

West Side Story!

Cambria's going to her first musical tonight! Well, she doesn't have a choice, as she's still floating around in my tummy! We're going to the Carousel Dinner Theatre in Akron to see West Side Story- my favorite musical. We've been taking Parenting Classes at Pregnancy Solutions in Akron and one of the women who teaches class works at the Carousel and she got us free tickets! I'm sure Cambria's going to love it. Who wouldn't?!

I've been loading up on baby clothes like crazy. We literally had our crib filled with baby clothes the other day. I've been slowly cleaning them and getting them ready. I need to start getting 3-6 month+ because we have a lot of 0-3 month clothes. They're just so cute and little!

We got a free baby swing last night and aside from needing a good cleaning, it's in great condition. It's brown and it has 6 speeds and plays music. If she's anything like she is in the womb, she should like the movement of a swing. Some babies don't, though. So I'm glad we got it for free.

Speaking of money. Thanks, Trena, for the suggestion. I hope I can get low payments like that if I'm not approved for medicaid. I finally finished the application for medicaid today and I will mail it in maybe tonight or tomorrow. I'm just hoping and praying that we get approved!

That's all. I have to go to Akron now!

-Alicia

Bills, Bills, and... more bills... (but we love her so much)

The hospital bills are piling up and it's starting to frighten me. With the meager paycheck I get every two weeks, there's no way I can begin to pay even a tiny amount of these bills. My mom keeps telling me that I shouldn't worry about them because the important thing is that they will never take away my baby. That's wonderful and all, that they can't reposess our little girl, but it doesn't change the fact that we're driving ourselves into debt. Cody's job has cut his hours significantly and we don't see a chance for improvement in that area anytime soon. He needs to find a new job, but it isn't easy.

Whenever I talk about the financial troubles we're in, everyone just says, "Oh, it will be OK." or "When you see that little baby, it won't even matter anymore." But you can't just shrug these things off. Sure, when Cambria gets here, I'll be ecstatic, and it won't matter that anything in the world is tough, but after the newness wears off and I sit down with all our medical bills, it's still going to be the same problem.

We don't have medical insurance and I haven't applied for Medicaid yet. I don't know how to go about applying for it, really. I've filled out the online application before, but I haven't sent it in because I honestly don't know if I'm doing it right. I also need to have a good amount of random paperwork to send in with it and I can never seem to get that all together at the same time.

Everything, financially, is one step forward, two steps back. We've got a good amount of baby clothes and we've got a crib and a high chair, but now we're broke and we have a ton of bills to pay. My car isn't working, Cody's truck isn't reliable, and my clothes are slowly, but surely, getting tighter and tighter. These are all things we need. Even if I was getting an insane amount of hours at work, it wouldn't make a difference at minimum wage. However, nobody's going to hire a pregnant girl, so I can't go looking for a new job just yet.

I try not to dwell on it and I try to remember that God is going to take care of us, but it is in my nature to worry. I just get tired of everyone being optimistic and telling me everything's going to be OK when they know that it probably isn't. I hate it when people say "emergency rooms can't turn away a woman in labor". Doesn't every mother want to have the luxury of having a doctor she trusts deliver her baby? In a hospital where she feels comfortable and safe? I guess if you don't have money, you don't get any luxuries in life.

I appreciate everyone's well wishes and good intentions, but it doesn't change the fact that I have thousands of dollars in medical bills already and I'm only at 24 weeks.

Anyway... on a lighter note...

The last two days Cambria has woke me up with kicking! It has gotten so strong that it wakes me up! My elbow was resting on the side of my stomach while I was sleeping this morning and she was kicking me right in the elbow. So I say "all right, all right, I'm up." And she stops! Also, for the first time ever, I felt her kick on my right side instead of my left. She's always on my left side, but she decided to explore the right side. She's a very active little girl! I love her so much already- I dream about her while I'm sleeping, I talk about her, I imagine her with me everywhere I go. I want her to know she is loved and I want her to have the best things in life. It's all very typical for a mother to want those things for her child, but you can't understand how strong that desire is until you have a child of your own.

I will try to remember that instead of all the bills. Our beautiful little girl.
-Alicia